Brace yourselves: garbage studio A24 found another male hero to desecrate. "The Death of Robin Hood" is a RADICAL DECONSTRUCTION whose marketing proudly informs us, “He was no hero.” Hugh Jackman plays an aged and solitary Robin, long abandoned by his Merry Men. He's in a SEVERE DEPRESSION having decided he wasn’t some noble outlaw robbing the rich to give to the poor - but actually a RUTHLESS MURDEROUS CRIMINAL. He wants to hang up his violent ways, but his old pal Little John drags him back for one last battle. He gets gravely injured and is tended to by a saintly nun who's treatment involves frequent painful AND GLORIFIED bloodletting sessions. He becomes a mentor to a troubled little girl, a vengeful one-eyed kid, and a soulful philosophical leper. So let's recap: The male hero is depressed and mortally wonded. Little John is a brutal, unrecognizable thug but at least in one piece. The young boy has lost an eye. The leper is losing skin and body parts. In other words, not one single male character escapes the script’s assault. And just in case you missed the point, the MALE HERO dies at the end. Typical A24 bullsht. The "A" stands for "ANTI-MALE" and "24" is short for 24/7/365. I’ll pass.

Okay I want to have the biggest most USA-y fourth of July EVAR. Other than bunting and flags and fireworks and food, what else do I need? Commemorative paper napkins? Patriotic diving helmets? Seriously though pls help me out here 🇺🇸