BREAKING Game News, June 11th 2037.
Destiny, after deciding to drop the 3 last year, just revealed it’s 5th major expansion titled “Defied”
Game Director Tom Blind (Hello Kitty Island Adventure, Wolfenstein 3: The New Shoes) and the current Bungie CEO Dylan Gafner, AKA dmg04 had this to say:
“In 2036, we finally completed the task of adding all prior story content from D1 and D2 into the game, releasing in parts alongside the D3 story each year. Now having the complete narrative playable online & offline, we decided to drop the 3 and have a cleaner title. Our latest expansion closes another chapter in the Destiny universe and we can celebrate having a complete narrative experience covering the last 24 years and beyond. Also, our latest Exotic is called The Gun, and is our best one yet. it’s a Chest piece for Titans built for the Red Subclass that allows you to drop a tactical nuke after a 25 kill streak”- Tom
“Since the Bungie revolt of 2028 leading to a community manager takeover and restructuring, it’s been a wild ride to see our journey culminate in Destiny: Defied. Truly a title worthy of our history and how we overcame all odds to deliver the end of the Fate saga with this new expansion, resolving plot threads teased back in 2026.” -dmg04
This news comes as Marathon, after 11 years continues to see amazing success in its new experimental queue “bouncy castle mode” appealing now to 3 year olds so the game is fun for the whole family. After the pivot to no PvP, later no PvE due to feedback from 1% of players and that guy from work you don’t talk to much but always has something negative to say, the decision to add a bouncy castle has been met with glowing reviews from the player base.
The last mode, Grocery Hunt was widely panned due to the extraction mechanic failing to excite players as Choc Chip Cookies and a Carton of Eggs were not seen as worthwhile rewards to grind towards, despite the historical significance of the 2031 worldwide famine causing a mass food shortage we have still not recovered from.
The next HALO title was also teased, the first Bungie Halo game in almost 30 years after they recovered the rights in 2035.
Aiming for a 2040 release, HALO aims to be a return to the series’ roots, but with Elderly friendly accessibility features to account for the somehow still alive Bungie fanbase. Rumours surrounding this release have hinted the game’s multiplayer will focus on the recently popular “Motorboating Shooter” genre, the latest trend to take the gaming world by storm.
Pete Parsons was finally sentenced to being exploded with hammers after a long court trial exposing his past workplace behaviour of taking a big bite out of everyone’s lunch because he had spent his latest paycheck on classic Hot Wheels and the juice box wasn’t filling enough. With this sentencing, victims of lost lunches have been reimbursed with 3 apples each, some of the last in the world.
Join us next week as we’ll take a look at the latest update on Insomniac’s next game “Ratchet & Clank: Shit’s Fucked”.