If you take me seriously Iβll sound like an idiot or an asshole
Joined November 2011
- Tweets 11,084
- Following 278
- Followers 414
- Likes 7,329
561 Photos and videos
Matt π€πΌ retweeted
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2,877,086
18 Apr 2025
Advice for single people on dating apps (me):
If they donβt show their teeth in their profile DONT MATCH
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18 Apr 2025
Nobody had more confidence in this generation than the directors of sci-fi movies from the 70s
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17 Apr 2025
No helping ladies crawl back to their wheelchairs if they happen to have stubs? The audacity
13 Apr 2025
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14 Apr 2025
Bee are really just little British dudes. All that doing it for the queen shit. You sting someone and die? Nah Iβll pass
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7 Apr 2025
If someone calls you a βdouchebagβ donβt take it as an insult.
Why are you a douche?
Because youre 70% water?
Because youre very hygienic?
Because you get more pussy than them?
Hold your head high, king.
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4 Apr 2025
So mosquitos are just going to get bigger each year until they are the size of humming birds?
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29 Mar 2025
My 60 year old coworker was trying to explain how mental health doesnβt exist, after hearing his compelling thesis and reasoning Iβm thinking I have to call the Department of Health immediately.
We were all wrong, let me explainβ¦
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29 Mar 2025
This is why doctors retire early because the government knows they get wiser and they force them out before they can start to piece the truth together.
This discovery is going to heal the world.
I told myself to be better, now Iβm healed.
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29 Mar 2025
All jokes aside, Iβm no medical expert but I think heβs wrong.
Heβd probably argue that the brain only holds knowledge and doesnβt operate everything else, and the heart is full of love or something stupid.
These are grown adults in our society and it only hurts us.
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24 Mar 2025
Making the name of this app just one letter has made certain moments in life more difficult than necessary
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26 Jan 2025
Turns out 2024 was easily the worst year of my entire life by a mile
1 Jan 2024
If 2024 is anything like when I was 24 for this is going to be an incredible year
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26 Jan 2025
His name isnβt Fetty Wap. Call him by his full name, Fetty Wet Ass Pussy.
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7 Dec 2024
instagram.com/p/C6KLki8uahu/β¦
Almost sold out of the K*ll your local PDF shirts. Letβs get the last ones out and order more
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