Joined March 2016
- Tweets 11,148
- Following 708
- Followers 367
- Likes 10,592
933 Photos and videos
Jun 11
Man I just close my eyes after ive seen 6 magpies. I dont need more secrets.
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May 19
Smaug is actually the good guy, its important that he sits on the pile of gold. If you try and take any he'll just kill you or take his mountain of gold somewhere else. He earned his pile.
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Apr 5
Earth got that Netflix lighting.
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Feb 3
Imagine Mulder looking through the Epstein files and being like "Yeah. But where are the aliens?"
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19 Nov 2025
"Don't sweat the small stuff" - Me with baseball size globs of sweat emanating from my body.
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16 Nov 2025
I havent got the Frieren style right, need to work on that. But I think its something like this.
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7 Nov 2025
Watched this on the plane home. Very disappointed to see this films message is still far too relevant.
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19 Oct 2025
The worst part having a kinky sex life, must be putting away stuff after. I don't even like looking in the mirror, let alone cleaning and storing accoutrement.
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18 Oct 2025
I love my kids climbing frame, or, as all of the spiders in a 2 block radius call it, "home".
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1 Sep 2025
What the fuck happened to paninis? I feel like paninis were the go to lunch food for like 3 years. Then everyone just stopped.
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29 Jul 2025
Positively Lynchian.
28 Jul 2025
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13 Jul 2025
Now, when my son is difficult, I say, "You are not helping Honmoon."
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23 May 2025
Me walking around with the pokemon gym badges just waiting for someone to ask me if I "go to the gym?".
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27 Apr 2025
How much better would kids movies be if they could swear. Picture Nemo's dad saying "Shit, where's my fucking son?". So much better.
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25 Apr 2025
Imagine thinking Star Wars has gone woke when the first movie is mainly about a gay robot couple.
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13 Apr 2025
Trying to petition my community to remove lawns and replace them with sustainable rock gardens. It's a grassroots movement.
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12 Apr 2025
It's nice having kids, because you've ensured at least one person will be sad when you die.
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10 Apr 2025
Imagine if Lynda La Plante was actually a fern. Or a monstera or something.
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