Born to cook, forced to go on the computer
Joined May 2016
- Tweets 39,311
- Following 1,512
- Followers 7,079
- Likes 45,180
2,084 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
4 Jun 2020
My son just looked at the television and said "Daddy, do you think these rioters will register to vote?" He's a 46 year old Vox journalist and I hate him so fucking much.
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The soup fiend makes a hollow boast to the gazpacho king: I've had more hot dinners than you've had hot dinners
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New Modest Mouse album is great, folks. The best tracks are classics and the rest are really growing on me like a beautiful moss.
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Keep thinking about a Chinese electric car company called Watto. Make it happen, guys!
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Watching Dave Hughes grapple with economics and tax policy is a bit like watching Shane Warne struggle with the vastness of the universe.
x.com/ShaneWarne/status/1358โฆ
6 Feb 2021
That canโt be true surely ?
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Difference is I'd get a beer or ten with Warney any day of the week. I'd cross the street to avoid Hughesy and I live in bloody Footscray.
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Facing the inestimable vastness of the universe and going "That can't be true, surely?" is the most Australian thing I can think of. "Anyway we can shrink these horizons, cobber? That sounds like bloody bullshit."
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I put all my skill points into rhetoric and respecting women and immediately got hit in the head with a crossbow bolt. This happened to me at Highpoint Shopping Centre in Maribyrnong and that's why I'm voting One Nation (because of the massive head injury).
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Melbourne version of Subway Takes called Tram Takes, and it immediately boosts Vic govt infrastructure announcements, features an AFL figure who says something racist, and is cancelled after a Fitzroy ceramacist says white people enjoying RecipeTinEats is cultural appropriation.
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A cop, a nazi, a pedophile and a divorced dad walk into a restaurant and the waiter says "Table for one again, sir?"
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Hungry Jacks Tang Dynasty Whopper - enter a golden age of flame-grilled Chinese flavour and 100% Aussie beef
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Hungry Jacks Peach Tree Spring Whopper - flavour out of this world, but who can know how trees and valleys alter? When spring comes, a myriad peach-filled rivers,
who knows which one might lead to paradise?
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My mum tells stories of my dad doing this all the time, or throwing out shit that she wanted/needed. A lot of men do not deserve to see the sun rise tomorrow.
landlord butchered the wildflowers in the yard for no reason and the only thing iโve learned is that half of women i know have some experience of men pointlessly killing flowers either by accident or on purpose and not getting why itโs an issue
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Area dad enjoys new Modest Mouse album, ignores suprisingly numerous YouTube comments on 16-year-old Modest Mouse song that start with "My buddy/son/brother loved this song so much he died 5 years ago RIP"
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Dr. Herb Risotto PhD ๐ต๐ธ retweeted
Jun 9
I love this guy very deeply but my favourite detail is when he reveals that for his day job heโs a high school science teacher. Imagine him trying to get through the Krebs cycle so you distract him by asking him about the Dreyfus affair and heโs just going off for 20-30 minutes
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The demons who run the fashion industry won't put pockets on women's clothing but give my 3-year-old's dinosaur tracksuit little pockets and now my washing machine is full of sand.
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You can tell the boffins down at the Hungry Jacks test kitchen are running out of whopper variants because what the hell is a bistro whopper?
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itty bitty titty committee for the re-election of richard nixon
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There's a certain kind of white Australian guy who otherwise talks like you'd expect him to, but who randomly says "Shit be cray cray" out of fucking nowhere.
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No one:
American podcaster: The plot is like a John Le Car novel!
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