Classic jokes with a modern twist.
Joined June 2012
- Tweets 122
- Following 39
- Followers 19,865
- Likes 296
2 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
4 Jun 2014
Scientists have observed that when one pizza delivery guy falls over, several others also fall over. This is known as the domino's effect.
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4 Mar 2023
Those dogs walkers will freeze anything…
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23 Feb 2022
“Can we go home now?” asked Piglet.
“No,” said Pooh. “Not till we’ve reached 10,000 steps”
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24 Feb 2022
After three hours, Pooh was beginning to regret swiping right…
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27 Jan 2022
In Which Pooh Goes to a Hipster Cafe for Lunch…
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21 Jan 2022
Pooh wasn’t completely happy about this but he knew it was the only way to prove for certain that Piglet wasn’t a witch…
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21 Dec 2021
Not saying I’ve written a script
Also not saying I haven’t.
Merry Christmas!
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21 Dec 2021
All sorts of possibilities for a truly tragic Yuletide back then. And now I see a retired Basil as an utterly obnoxious guest in the newly-acquired hotel…
@bbccomedy @JohnCleese
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21 Dec 2021
At this time of year, I always wish @JohnCleese, Connie Booth etc had made a Fawlty Towers Christmas special. I think it would’ve been something pretty special.
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13 Dec 2021
“Seriously?” said Pooh. “A marmalade sandwich?”
“I’m sorry,” said Christopher Robin. “You all look the same to me…”
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9 Dec 2021
Bump! Bump! Bump! went Pooh’s head on the stairs as he realised Christopher Robin had spiked his honey.
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9 Dec 2021
“I can’t wait for Christopher Robin’s Christmas party!” said Piglet, jumping up and down with excitement. “I hope it’s as much fun as last year’s!”
“Shhhh!” said Pooh, grabbing Piglet’s tiny pink shoulders. “He told us not to talk about that!”
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9 Dec 2021
Things had changed a lot since the old days. The 100 Acre Wood was now the 100 Acre City -
Eeyore was now an in-demand motivational speaker, Tigger was CEO of a successful mindfulness and tantric yoga company and Owl ran a bar called Hooters.
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9 Dec 2021
“That was delicious!” said Piglet, licking his plate. “Even better than haycorns! What is it called?”
“Er, I think it’s called pulled pork,” replied Pooh.
“Ooh, what’s that?” asked Piglet.
“Never mind,” said Pooh, sliding the menu under his seat.
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31 Oct 2021
The 7 Deadly Twitter Sins
1 Being offended on behalf of someone else
2 Pretending to care about a total stranger’s problems
3 Using phrases you’d never use in real life (familiar much?)
4 Telling someone you’re unfollowing
5 Tweeting while drunk
6 Tweeting while sober
7 Caturday
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20 Sep 2021
This is brilliant - with a more than a few *spit your coffee* funny bits.
18 Sep 2021
Chapter 1
“That’s a nasty scar you’ve got there!”
Harry smiled and said nothing. He’d been collecting his pension at the same counter in the same post office every fortnight for the past eight and a half years and every single time, Mrs Wainsprite had said the exact same thing.
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Probably the best Fan Fiction you’ll ever read. Rowling must be fuming she didn’t think of it first.
Enjoy!
18 Sep 2021
Chapter 1
“That’s a nasty scar you’ve got there!”
Harry smiled and said nothing. He’d been collecting his pension at the same counter in the same post office every fortnight for the past eight and a half years and every single time, Mrs Wainsprite had said the exact same thing.
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11 Nov 2020
DON’T DO THAT, DONALD!
The Story So Far - a Thread
(To support this fully illustrated, satirical story of a very naughty, very orange little boy, please check this link, thank you!)
unbound.com/books/dont-do-th…
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11 Apr 2020
Chapter 3
Langdon, 51, ran quickly out of his Harvard professor’s office onto the sun-soaked sidewalk next to the road.
“Taxi to the airport!” he yelled, waving his strong manly arm in the air.
But there was no taxi.
No traffic.
No people.
Except for one.
A giant albino nun.
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11 Apr 2020
Chapter 2
“There’s a global pandemic? You need my help? I’m on my way!”
Robert Langdon, 49, hurriedly pulled on his tweed jacket and checked his watch.
The small hand was pointing to seven and the big hand was pointing to . .
“Oh my God” he said “It’s twenty-five to Apocalypse!”
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11 Apr 2020
Chapter One
The phone rang.
Strong-jawed, grey-eyed Professor of Viral Symbology at Harvard University, Robert Langdon, 52, picked up the receiver with a manly right hand and answered it.
“Langdon,” he said, handsomely. “What’s the problem?”
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