I live my life one quarter-pounder at a time.
Joined January 2021
- Tweets 50,502
- Following 1,033
- Followers 1,491
- Likes 75,799
8,660 Photos and videos
Jun 12
Sometimes you just gotta tip your hat to a retired baddie. You know they put up Lebron style broken heart numbers
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Jun 12
I’m like Bill Dance when I fish. Not because I catch fish but because I trip over trailer hitches
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Jun 10
I bite my own wrist in the gym so the women know that I’m into that
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Jun 10
We need to get Freddy to a Bass Pro ASAP
Jun 10
Hotels in Auburn were too expensive so we decided to do a night drive further south. Final destination probably Tuskegee or Montgomery.
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Jun 10
I can’t wait for all the Europeans visiting for the World Cup to experience a tornado warning wondering why we grab beers and lawn chair and head outside
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47
Back in the office after fishing on a boat all weekend then driving through a tornado. The European mind cannot comprehend
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24
Tried flirting with a Ukrainian woman and it scared the hell out of me. Imma stick to the Americans. I’m not big league enough for that.
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27
Remember in 2016 when it was fun to be a Trump supporter? Well, it’s not fun anymore.
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17
You have over politicized the fun out of your life. Log off Twitter
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16
BRO HOW ON EARTH DO ALL FEMALE SOCCER PLAYERS FIND ME?! WHAT IS THIS LIFE
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24
My meeting with all of the other interns at my company felt like the classroom scene from TopGun
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37
Hey @redbull, bring back Blue Edition. The life has left my eyes ever since it went away.
14
I hear pride month has been cancelled and replaced with White Boy Summer for the fourth year in a row
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May 31
Thought I was all cool in the gym parking lot in my C5 Vette then got absolutely mogged by a McLaren 600
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May 30
Maverick gas stations still selling Kum & Go merch is oddly healing
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