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Joined March 2011
- Tweets 6,089
- Following 629
- Followers 2,095
- Likes 4,471
208 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
17 Jul 2020
If you still like the Red Hot Chili Peppers than this joke is too late to save you anyways.
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3 Jan 2024
[watching a stand-up clip on reels]
Wow, someone give this guy a self-produced comedy special financed entirely out of his own pocket and posted on his personal youtube channel with 15 subscribers.
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4 Dec 2023
When I die, put my ashes in an urn and then cross-section it in slow motion so it looks delicious.
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30 Nov 2023
Maybe the real spotify wrapped was the friends we made along the way.
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26 Nov 2023
Men truly believe there is no age limit on turning your hat backwards and being cool again.
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18 Nov 2023
Whenever a drummer counts a band into a song I'm like ok so that's the daddy.
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5 Oct 2023
Somewhere between ants and beetles bugs go from being "little guys" to "big fucks".
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31 Aug 2023
The worst part about eating in a restaurant is you can't take your shirt off when it starts to get real.
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17 Aug 2023
Gen Z will never know the pain of doinking your head off a wall, growing a big ol' bruise noodle, and having someone bink a horseshoe onto it.
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8 Aug 2023
Elon Musk going to get some ribs removed so he can Zuck himself off.
Elon Musk says he may need surgery before proposed 'cage match' with Mark Zuckerberg
cp24.com/world/elon-musk-say…
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7 Aug 2023
TW: Great Investment Strategy
If you run out of water you can drink piss and it's the same.
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11 Jun 2023
My brain after I've had a few beers and have the audacity to consume a single shot of liquor.
11 Jun 2023
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3 Jun 2023
They should invent thoughts in your mind that wait their turn.
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7 May 2023
Slowly filling my pants in the middle seat at Cirque du Soleil so I don't get up and take someone "out of the moment".
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3 May 2023
Favorite online interaction right now is when someone posts AI art and a commenter goes "amazing art!" and they go "thank you."
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1 May 2023
My grandma told me I should "just buy a house" and also that she has "heard of" Toberlones.
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Nigel retweeted
27 Apr 2023
🚨 TONIGHT 🚨
Come see Toronto’s best comics at @comedybar bring their A game and Get That on Tape! 🎥 🎞️
April 27th • 8pm
@ALVALcomedy
@NigelGrinstead
@jarrettcampbell
@stephbabyneale
@metalcomedy
🎟️: comedybar.ca/shows/get-that-…
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25 Apr 2023
What do you mean "oversharing" I haven't even got to the worst part
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