Professional ship steadier. Just doing it for the team. Not Kane (although he says I'm funny). PARODY ACCOUNT.
Joined September 2012
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10 Jul 2020
We stood in a field for 8 hours while someone counted our numbers but we had the same number so we had another go but we still had the same number so they opened the number book and picked an arbitrary number so we could stop standing in a field
9 Jul 2020
Describe your *least* favorite sports moment, as boring as possible.
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22 Feb 2021
How many caps could Kane’s cap cap if Kane’s cap could cap caps?
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27 Dec 2020
I know I scored a ‘century’ today which is ‘good’ but actually Kyle Jamieson has a higher batting average than me so can you all please talk about him instead
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6 Dec 2020
Oh heck, darn and gosh. I am so sorry and this will not be happening again
6 Dec 2020
Blackcaps all-rounder Daryl Mitchell fined for swearing against West Indies
bit.ly/3ovajMg (@PhotosportNZ)
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21 Jul 2020
Excuse me there’s only one Incredibles character Ben Stokes looks like
20 Jul 2020
Joe Root calls Ben Stokes his Mr. Incredible - he even reckons he looks like him! 🦸
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17 Jun 2020
*me logging onto twitter bleary-eyed after several months* oh god please not praise, I don’t even bat four, what am I doing here
17 Jun 2020
In at four and as captain...
🌟KANE WILLIAMSON🌟
Since his ODI debut in 2010, @NotNossy has scored the fifth most runs in the format behind Virat Kohli, Rohit Sharma.
📽📱Watch him in action 👉 bbc.in/3d908aa
#bbccricket
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24 Feb 2020
Brb just beating the number one test team by 10 wickets
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20 Feb 2020
For Ross’ 100th test I might let him run me out, as a treat
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3 Feb 2020
Please, if you see me limping slightly don't ask about it, I have RSI (Repetitive SuperOvers Injury) and you just make it worse when you ask
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6 Jan 2020
I do not condone violence but also I am not captain today so fuck em up Wags
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6 Jan 2020
I have conducted extensive research and can conclude that watching Aussie centuries sucks from all three locations of field, hotel room, and sideline. This experiment is now complete and I look forward to watching no more Aussie centuries
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6 Jan 2020
Err in the same vein I have also watched us lose wickets from all the above locations so I’m done with that too thanks team. I have enough data now so please stop losing wickets
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28 Dec 2019
Ok I have almost finished the walk back to the pavilion after getting out last night and a number of batsmen have passed me on the way. I can’t see the scoreboard from here so I’m gonna assume they’re off to the nets. #MCGsobig
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27 Dec 2019
🎶 I need a spiiinner
I’m holding out for a spinner til the end of the niiiight
He’s gotta be fast and he’s gotta be strong
And his figures have got to be tight 🎶
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13 Dec 2019
Neil just finished his over and asked me if he can bowl from the other end too. Classic Neil but I don't think that's technically allowed, buddy
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12 Dec 2019
If anyone would like to join me for a cup of tea I have put a couple of tea bags in a drink bottle and left it at square leg so it should be ready in about six minutes
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21 Nov 2019
We can Capitalise, it’s not hard you just use the shift key
WHAT A CATCH 😱
Ben Stokes misses out on his ninth Test hundred thanks to an absolute screamer from Ross Taylor at first slip 👏
It's the breakthrough the Black Caps needed. Can they capitalise?
#NZvENG
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10 Nov 2019
I am super over super overs haha. More like superfluous overs, am I right haha? Haha I’m fine haha
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10 Nov 2019
Just an announcement that I will be extending the disassociation indefinitely
10 Nov 2019
Ok just gonna disassociate for approximately 20 minutes, don’t mind me
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