It is with a heavy heart that we announce the death of Mayor Holiday. Details will be provided as soon as possible. The city council has chosen Principal Boom as interim mayor to guide as through these turbulent times. May the Angel’s light guide our way.

In the wake of these terrible crises, it is important not to lose sight of the daily functioning of our community. For years, small businesses have been struggling. Tomorrow morning, I will be visiting every locally owned store in Hometown to coordinate a plan for the future.

Law enforcement is currently investigating the origin of the supernatural occurrence at the church. The situation is now under control. The Hometown Festival will proceed as planned, albeit with tightened security. Thank you for your time.

We have received reports that a car in northern Hometown has had its tires slashed. As of now it is unclear if this attack was conducted by the aforementioned intruder. There have been rumors of other mysterious occurrences in the same area. Rest assured, they are untrue.

Hometown residents, please be alert as a band of thugs has escaped our custody. We are working tirelessly to locate them and return them to their cell. In the meantime, stay safe and do not approach them. If you spot them, contact me immediately. Details will be provided soon.

I am pleased to announce that, following an investigation, we have determined that reports of strange occurrences at ICE-E’S P“E”ZZA were false. As such, I have given the order to allow the location to resume operation immediately. Thank you for your time.

This is a reminder to all Hometown residents: Please do not enter areas restricted to the general public. They are restricted for a reason. Those found violating these restrictions will face consequences. Thank you for your time.

Due to complaints from staff and customers, I have issued an order to ICE-E’S P“E”ZZA staff to shut the establishment down temporarily. We have heard concerning reports about suspicious activities. The restaurant will reopen when investigations conclude.

ATTENTION: Due to new security concerns, officer Napstablook will be present to monitor the upcoming annual Hometown Festival. We have reason to suspect an intruder in Hometown. We ask that you remain calm yet vigilant, stopping crime starts with you. Thank you for your time.

I was recently notified by Principal Boom of mismanagement of school funds relating to custodial services. Tomorrow morning, I will be inspecting the entirety of the school to determine the proper steps to take moving forward.