Joined February 2007
- Tweets 3,664
- Following 162
- Followers 4,519
- Likes 14,137
52 Photos and videos
20 Jan 2017
What drink is the exact opposite of champagne? Make it a double.
8
5
17
16 Nov 2016
My thoughts have coalesced into this: onefoottsunami.com/2016/11/1…. I'm redoubling my efforts to help others. It helps beat back the despair.
1
2
7
9 Nov 2016
“Time stopped…He could count on experiencing [this illusion] several times a year — whenever he received news he could not joke about.”
6
21
9 Nov 2016
Oh, FUCK no MSNBC, Rudy Guiliani does not get to talk in my house. Instant mute.
2
18
8 Nov 2016
I saw some polls had closed at 6 PM, so I went to check where. Of course it’s Kentucky.
(Also Indiana, but time is all screwy there anyway)
5
8 Nov 2016
It's past 5 o'clock here on the East Coast, which means it's OK to start (admitting you've been) drinking!
1
1
11
7 Nov 2016
For these reasons, and so many more, vote for Hillary Clinton tomorrow: onefoottsunami.com/2016/11/0…
1
4
7 Nov 2016
Quite simply, @HillaryClinton is what America needs right now. x.com/HillaryClinton/status/…
1
5
7 Nov 2016
OK, I finally figured it out. Tuesday night, about 10 PM, he and his whole vile clan will come out on stage and just say “The Aristocrats!”.
1
5
21
5 Nov 2016
For the record, the water is perfectly normal. I don't think any water has ever been sticky. I don't think that's even possible.
3
2
5 Nov 2016
Among the gripes my grandma has is that the water coming out of her faucet recently is “sticky”.
Sticky water! How do you respond to that?!
4
6
5 Nov 2016
She’s quite with it, and very eager to vote for Hillary. November 12th can’t come soon enough! The 8th? No, she’s pretty sure it’s the 12th.
1
8
5 Nov 2016
I am at my grandmother's house. She is almost 92. The TV is…so loud. You wouldn’t think a TV could go this loud. But it can! And it does!
3
12
4 Nov 2016
Man would I like to hear the stories that led this business to have a sign outside reading:
“New staff.
New attitude.
Try us again.”
2
2
22
4 Nov 2016
So who was the other half of Melania Trump’s Bania/Costanza-esque mix-up, and what did they wind up discussing instead of cyberbullying?
2
1
3 Nov 2016
This does give us all a chance to appreciate that unlike Band-Aid, the earpiece manufacturers understand that “flesh” is not a single color.
11
3 Nov 2016
Ah, the most exciting play in all of sports: The indeterminate rain delay!
4
3 Nov 2016
I'm texting with @gruber and cracked that joke. We then both tweeted it. The man's a thief!
2
1
15