ALT Quintessence: A Kid in Late 90s Western Mass   5th grade Chen, you were so in love with Pokémon trading cards because Brian G. talked every recess about them, about that rarest of Staryu, the one   with the ink spot printing error, the one on sale on eBay for just under $700. Why didn’t you have a job yet, Chen in the 5th grade   at Wildwood Elementary? Why couldn’t you work at UMass, where your parents were studying, or at Herrell’s, where the ice cream was stunning? You knew   all about ice cream, so why not? You asked your parents, who said you were too little, focus on your studies. But what you focused on was God, the one   you weren’t even raised with, couldn’t quite believe in, but overheard your classmates & especially their parents beg or thank over & over— Please God, they whispered,   Thank God, they shouted, eyes occasionally darting upward to where He must’ve lived in His luxury sky condo. God, you said, fuck you for not letting me have a job, I need to buy Brian G.

ALT that Staryu card, fuck, you don’t even exist, but if you      do, help me get Brian that super rare Staryu with the ink spot      printing error.        O 5th grade pottymouth of a prayer. O eldest son who spent night      after night kneeling like the TV people you’d seen, hands clasped & whispering      so loud for Brian,        who one school morning brightly said, Awesome shirt, pointing at      your one Ash & Pikachu shirt, pointing      at you. You prayed        for him to get everything he wanted. Some nights      you prayed for him to get a bit less awesome, to glow a little less      totally. You prayed        to get something right for once, for your parents, who you knew      could never know that you had (you realized) what everyone      at recess & on the bus        called a crush. Except yours was not sweet, not silly      but sin—somehow in 5th grade, in an agnostic at best house, in a hippie-      ish set of towns famous for

ALT their poets, you knew this. & if any of them found out—found you out—      well, you just had to pray your fucking heart out that they didn’t.      But in case they did,        in case your mother & your father, you sunk even deeper      into your kneeling, you held your hands together      1000x harder,        you prayed to someone far above God,      some Star infinitely more powerful & handsome      that they wouldn’t believe it.