The reason why I'm a "Jesus Fangirl"
My entire life I've been pretty envious of "fangirls" - my classmates in highschool who would pick an actor to obsess over, my friends in adulthood who learned everything about a kpop band because they just liked them that much, people I see online who are just so excited about things.
I've never really felt that compulsion for someone or something. No matter how much I should like something, it takes only a few days or a few hours for me to not care about it anymore.
I guess, above all, I felt weird because most of the circles I run in have people that are huge fans of something.
I do have some trauma that limits my ability to emotionally react to things pretty badly, but I also wondered if the things I liked were just not good enough to warrant a reaction in me.
Then the thought struck me - God. God was more than worthy enough of such reckless devotion.
So that's my dream now - I want to love Jesus like a fangirl. I want my every thought to be about Him, I want to know everything about Him that I can, I want to be so hopelessly devoted and lost in the love I have for Him.
I want people to look at me and think, "oh there goes that odd Christian girl again". I want to be known for Him and my love for Him.
I'm not there yet - not even close - but that's the goal I'm chasing, and I probably will be chasing for the rest of my life ^^