every breath I take without your permission raises my self esteem.
Joined November 2016
- Tweets 49,745
- Following 947
- Followers 2,062
- Likes 265,868
11,467 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
3 Dec 2025
My 3yo just said I'm "funny like blueys dad"
there is literally not a higher compliment that i can be paid
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Jun 15
These sausages don't expire for 96 more years so we should be ok
Teriyaki beef, peppers, and marinaded turkey breast from odon locker to go with
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Jun 13
Teaching my kids to count.
1.....2....dale... 4...5...6....7.... junior....9
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Jun 13
My wife's probably pretty hungry and annoyed. Tacos will be there soon dear! 😂
Cheers tho
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Jun 12
According to the rain in my work boots, we got about an inch of rain last night 🥴
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Jun 12
I just learned about Maxx Velocity on YouTube and I think I'm hooked on whatever this is
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Jun 12
The only thing worse than your finger going thru the paper when you're wiping your ass...
...Is your finger going thru the paper when youre wiping someone else's ass 😐
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Jun 11
The amount of spam calls I get per day is fuckin ridiculous. 9 or 10 is an average
Jun 11
I can say with 100% certainty that apples phone call screening has negatively affected the number of people who answer their phone.
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Jun 9
Jobsite bathroom choices today are heavily used 90° porta pot? or taco bell bathroom.
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Jun 7
I just stepped on a bee and got stung. So help me God I'll go to war with the little bastards
I'll 2 4 D every last leaf of clover and end their entire fuckin species. Fuck honey.
End rant
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Jun 6
My wife's been awake since yesterday at 4am.
She's been at home with 4 very hungry, very moody toddlers, waiting for me to bring the food back
Should I take my time?
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Jun 6
The "waiting on food to go" beer is a top 5 beer
Jun 6
Uh hi yes.... id like to order 74 al pastor tacos for 1 please.
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Jun 6
Uh hi yes.... id like to order 74 al pastor tacos for 1 please.
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