72 Photos and videos
Jun 14
Had a bit of drama on the plane home from Slovenia. Big fat lad next to me, nice enough lad but kept farting. So I asked around for deodorant. Man hands me some. Noticing it’s an aerosol and not a roll-on, and could explode at any minute, I start screaming, two stewardesses calm
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Jun 14
me down and say that due to technology aerosols are fine on planes now or something. So - in the end no harm done, but as I always say - better safe than sorry.
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Jun 14
Got gifted a sorting hat from Harry Potter. Put it on. The thing put me in griffin door even though I know for a fact I’m a slithering. Asked my mate who gave me it to ask for her money back
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Jun 14
Went my first therapy seshion last Monday. My therapist said a quote that really stuck with me: an elephant never forgets. Intrigued to see how he applies it to my life.
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Jun 7
So - tomorrow I start my court-mandated therapy. A little bit nervous but will be fine I’m sure. Will keep yous all updated after every seshion of course
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Jun 7
Recently found a nin tendo sixty four in a forgotten cubbard in my house. Discovered a game called Mario. Italian men creep me the hell out but I do find him charming. I’m not saying he turns me on but I must admit his tash is brilliant
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Jun 7
The Monaco grand pree is on which reminds me of the Monaco grand pree I went to last year. Brilliant memories even though I was technically homeless for some of the trip after being kicked out by my host for bonking a gentleman I found on the street
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Jun 7
I’ve been dating a lad called Michael. Asked what his surname was an he said Jackson. I started screaming and left him at the restaurant. Then he adds me on Facebook and even on there his name is Michael Jackson. Absolute weirdo
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May 31
I made this page when I was drunk one night and thought it would be deleted immediately. Delighted it hasn’t been. I absolutely love him to bits. I’m not good at quizzes in general but brilliant at catch frase and deal or no deal because of him
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May 23
Hull Tigers promoted to league from other league. Well done. Never been as don’t like jordies but will try it if I get a ticket
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May 4
There’s a player for Everton called Kieran Juiceberry Hall. What a brilliant and charming name. Will watch his career with extreme care in case he ever moves to a big club 😝
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May 3
Went on first dates last night so look forward to seeing that in a few months 🤣 man was fat and we didn’t get on. What’s the point
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Apr 16
Went for usual walk round block with my dog Rachel. See hooded youth talking to old woman. I start screaming and he runs off. I check on her and she’s awful confused. Keeps saying “he’s me grand son”. So I call police and they take her home. Good deed done for the day 🥰
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Apr 6
Just met mr smith for a coffee and he spilled his all over himself. Broke up with him there and then. Was hoping he’d kick off and fight for me but nothing. I deserve better than this old sap
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Apr 6
So - it’s official - Mr Smith has left his wife for me. Honestly I feel a bit giltee because I’m not that into him - he gives me postman pat vibes and I crinj every time I see him - but as I always say - a toxic relationship is much better than no relationship.
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Mar 22
Don’t like Nottingham fans at all but their song for Morgan Gibbs White is brilliant in its simplicity.
Hello.
Hello.
Morgan Gibbs White.
Morgan Gibbs White.
Hello. Hello.
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Mar 22
Got an angry phone call this morning from Mr Smith’s wife. She is a complete bitch. Only makes me more likely to go for her hubby. Game on.
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Mar 20
Office was shut today due to asbestos outbreak so went carpet world as I spilled a tub of vinegar on living room carpet last night. When I was there I got chatting to the store manager Mr Smith. He was very handsome even though he’s in his 60s. I cleverly left 2 umbrellas there…
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Mar 20
… so that he’d chase me out the store and ask me out. He did the first bit but didn’t ask me out. So I said do you want to get a coffee some time. He said I’m married but okay can do. So got a date next week with Mr Smith and really excited
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