My greatest fear is a rat in the toilet and I sit down and it latches onto my vag with all those sharp teeth and claws but I can see how getting married late is kinda scary.

Still relevant. Good job, Canes.

Everyone knows John Hancock for his giant signature. Almost nobody knows the actual man, and his real life was wilder than the legend. He was an orphan. His father died when he was 7, and he was taken in by his uncle Thomas, the richest merchant in Boston. John was groomed to run the family shipping empire, inherited the whole thing in 1764, and became one of the wealthiest men in all of America before most people his age owned anything at all. He was also, by the crown's definition, a criminal. In 1768 the British seized his ship Liberty for smuggling, and Boston rioted in his defense. The man we now put on patriotic posters was, to London, a wealthy smuggler dodging customs. He didn't just resent the crown quietly. He bankrolled resistance and became such a thorn that the British wanted him gone. On the night of April 18, 1775, when Paul Revere made his famous ride, the warning was not vague. He rode to Lexington specifically to warn two men that the British were coming to arrest them: Samuel Adams and John Hancock. The opening night of the Revolutionary War was, in part, a manhunt for Hancock. Weeks later, General Gage offered a pardon to every rebel in Massachusetts who would lay down arms, with exactly two exceptions: Samuel Adams and John Hancock. Being left off that list was essentially a public death warrant. Here is the part nobody tells you. As president of the Continental Congress, Hancock actually wanted to be named commander of the army himself. He sat in the chair and watched as the Adams cousins instead rose to nominate George Washington. He was reportedly stung by it. Then he did the thing most people never manage. He swallowed his pride, signed Washington's commission, and spent the next eight years pouring his personal fortune into the war he could not lead. So when Hancock signed the Declaration of Independence first, big and bold across the top, it was not a cute flourish. He was already a hunted man with a price on his head, putting his name, his fortune, and his neck on the line before anyone else dared lift a pen. And that famous line about signing large "so King George can read it without his spectacles"? He almost certainly never said it. It is a myth stitched onto him generations later. The real story is better. He just signed first, as president, knowing exactly what it could cost him. The flamboyance was real, though. He lived in princely splendor in a granite mansion on Beacon Hill overlooking the harbor, with imported mahogany furniture and apricot trees shipped from Spain. In 1775 he married Dorothy Quincy, and the two became one of Massachusetts' first political celebrity couples, famous for endless lavish dinners that slowly drained his fortune. He went on to become the first Governor of Massachusetts, serving roughly eleven years, and died in office in 1793. His funeral was one of the grandest ever given to an American up to that point. Samuel Adams declared the day a state holiday. The orphaned smuggler with a target on his back had become the face of American defiance. That is why, 250 years later, we still say "put your John Hancock right here."

Getting ogled by a white man would be a nice change of pace.

🎵🎶Cruise into a bar on the shore..🎶🎵

I’ve lost 30 pounds and it’s only a matter of time until I start buying slutty lingerie for me instead of for @ElonJoin839

Me, whenever I come across someone saying “oh, my sweet summer child”.

Thinking of the absolute stranglehold that You Oughta Know had on women my age in 1995 and then hearing it today and…wow, it’s a really, really bad song. No, he’s not thinking of you, you’re an unstable crazy nut job. Grow up. Move on.

Sad noises

I’m impressed with the Irish because all the young men clearly already had balaclavas. No one had to run to the store to get one.

Every time I eat yogurt at first I think “this tastes kinda good…the granola helps” but then I get about 3/4 of the way through and I find myself thinking “good god how do they fit this much of this stuff in this container, it’s never ending”.

Northern Ireland to the rest of the West

I’m not sure how many times I can say no to the coworker trying to give me a donut. It’s at least 4. Apparently, telling her I’ll throw it away if she puts one on my desk gets her butthurt.

I stand with Belfast.

God speed Irish patriots. North and South. Catholic or Protestant. God speed.

Did the gays think this was something new for Blake Treinen? Is their whole gay existence dependent upon people wearing gay rainbows? Oh no, a baseball player didn’t wear a rainbow logo, guess I can’t play with this hairy butthole now, oh no.

Never gets old.

🎶🎵 Sit back & let the evening go 🎵🎶

A 45-year-old Gillette Marine Corps veteran struggles with PTSD, along with paying off funeral debt from his 19-year-old son’s suicide last year. "I was really looking forward to getting to know him as a man,” said Matthew Hohnholt. cowboystatedaily.com/2026/06…

Why are tarps locked up at Wal-mart?

Maine Kampf is brilliant. 😂