As some have predicted, trying to repress my AGP has not worked, even with the Catholicism. It has been a constant struggle. I'm tired of battling my own desires. I want to go back to integration and crossdressing. I don't know how to square this with my faith. But I don't care anymore. Repression doesn't work. It just led to endless binge/purge cycles. I gave repression my absolute best shot. But I cannot do it anymore. AGP is a core part of me. There's obviously the sexual kinky side, which I enjoy, but there's also the side of me that just genuinely enjoys more "feminine" interests like women's fashion, makeup, beauty, skincare, etc., and wants to openly incorporate these interests into my life and how I present myself, whereas as a "conservative Catholic detrans man" those forms of expression were not available to me. I have no interest in re-transitioning via a gender identity or adopting new pronouns again or anything like that. I am firm in my knowledge of being a man. Been there done that. Neverthless, I see a future where I am free to crossdress to my heart's content and embrace my sexuality. I simply love women's clothing and fashion too much. My whole life I've loved women's clothes. I don't know why. Can't explain it. But a future deprived of that seems bleak to me. I know some of my more GC oriented followers are going to bristle at the thought of me once again bringing my fetish "out of the bedroom." But I don't really care what GCs think anymore. My once hardline GC position has somewhat softened, especially insofar as it concerns AGPs expressing themselves publicly. I don't really care if it's considered "shameful" or "perverted" by some. Moreover, I still believe in common sense. Haven't changed my mind on sports, child transition, basic reality, etc. But I feel like I am reverting back to a more "liberal" position of letting people express themselves so long as other people's rights are being protected, even if there is a degree of "ick" from male sexuality. And I've come to realize 99% of the philosophical debate around "are trans women women" is verbal dispute, like almost all philosophical debate over the meaning of words. It obviously has real-world implications that are important, but the philosophical debate itself doesn't interest me anymore. Nor do I feel myself aligned with GCs against trans as this all-encompassing civilization-ending boogeyman that sucks up all my time and energy. I've grown tired of the whole GC debate. Some will say this is now just obviously self-serving. But, again, I have stopped caring about what GCs think. Last, I want to address the accusation that I am a flip-flopping, flighty, unstable zealot who goes from one extreme thing to the next looking for an emotional crutch. Yeah, pretty much, lol. I got called out accurately. Everyone who predicted Catholicism was a temporary crutch to cope with my gender feelings can now feel vindicated. However, I do want to say that my faith beliefs were genuine. It was all genuine. It really was a struggle. It really was a beautiful journey. And I still consider myself Catholic. I still believe in God. Obviously, I don't know how to square my newfound liberal convictions with conservative Catholicism. But I will square that circle later (somehow, maybe).

I’m pushing 40. Is it too late for me? I feel like integration is only going to take me so far but honestly I don’t know what’s beyond that given some of the reasons I detransitioned in the first place. But now I question some of those reasons. Like, did I simply stop trying?

I suspect that AGPs and HSTS might temporarily align for practical or political reasons but fundamentally they are responding to different incentives and will always be at odds to some extent, never fully understanding or empathizing with the other.

I hate how “right” it feels to see myself like this. If only presenting like this didn’t cause social chaos and anxiety I’d dress like this all the time. Why must AGP torture me with these desires 😭

AGP containment field is failing. Troon risk critical.

I’m trying to figure out what hair style looks best on my brick mug but can’t decide. Any suggestions?

I’m in my AGP binge era

As a convert to Catholicism and fellow tranny lover myself, I can tell you from personal experience that @Michaeldudufudu has no idea what he’s in for: one day you’re attracted to trannies, the next day you wanna be one

A lot of people in the Christian world frame crossdressing and AGP as an “addiction.” But even if it is, if I have an endless supply, and it causes no real health issues, and I’m not personally ashamed of it, is it really so bad to have an addiction? I would offer coffee as another example of a mostly benign addiction.

You guys have no idea the efforts involved in trying to take a half decent selfie with this bricky mug and body. The angles are maxxed. The filters are working. In 3D the illusion collapses instantly.

I am increasingly finding myself at odds with giving full assent to the Catholic Magisterium on various sexual matters while simultaneously holding another belief which is that Catholicism is still a coherent and holistically true worldview worth defending. It’s convoluted.

Ignore the beard shadow

Do bricks dream of electric sheep?

Just because I would probably crossdress 24/7 if I could socially get away with it doesn’t make me a “repressed trans girl”; it makes me a transvestite

It’s kinda crazy being agp lol it’s so ridiculous when you think about it but for whatever reason my brain compels me to it; what a strange life it is

My Tik Tok account has taught me that weird old men love bricky crossdressers 🏳️‍⚧️

Being a brick is not a choice but living as a brick is. Don't let the trans agenda fool you: it's not a "medical necessity" for anybody to live as a brick. It will often make you go crazy and hate yourself. Sometimes you just have to let some fantasies remain fantasy.

I relate to this dude. He is currently struggling to decide between the repression, integration, and transition pathways. They all have their pitfalls. God gives autogynephilia to his strongest soldiers because it really is a tragicomic condition to figure out how to live with.

The cult of self is the oldest of sins

find the 🐈

The one troonish behavior I’ve retained after detransition is I still like to sit down to pee and for the life of me I don’t get why this isn’t more popular among men it’s nice to take a load off sometimes