Comedian. Living in New York City.
Joined August 2009
- Tweets 1,351
- Following 548
- Followers 594
- Likes 991
123 Photos and videos
23 Aug 2024
So true
25 Aug 2014
There was a day when your parents put you down and never picked you up again.
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Rob Ryan retweeted
25 Aug 2014
There was a day when your parents put you down and never picked you up again.
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31 Aug 2023
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen the moon and the super moon out at the same time… could it be?
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26 May 2023
I tried texting (normal thing) but my phone said (ABnormal thing) and I was like (punchline)
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7 Feb 2023
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Be nice to a fish at the table? Feed a man for a lifetime.
6 Feb 2023
Just a quick reminder that when someone is clearly new to poker, you shouldn’t ridicule them and make them feel they don’t belong.
Welcome them, help them if they need it.
You know, like a decent human would.
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30 Dec 2022
I don’t think #gretathunberg could clean up the environment any more than she did tonight.
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22 Nov 2022
Ask and you shall receive! 3-D printed chocolate baby
28 Sep 2022
windsorcakecraft.co.uk/mycus…
You're welcome.
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22 Nov 2022
I love that #johnoliver can scathe FIFA and Qatar for a full episode, but can’t find it in himself to … not watch the world cup.
5 Aug 2022
Has anyone put chocolate inside a 3D printer yet? I’m sick of plastic things.
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6 Jun 2022
I’ve thought long and hard about this. This is the OFFICIAL order to watch Star Wars in:
Episode IV
Episode V
Episode VI
Go to sleep, you’ve done it. You’ve watched one of the most impactful film franchises ever. You don’t need to consume anything else. Sweet dreams.
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30 May 2022
I don’t know exactly why joke writing helps me process things, but it does. So bear with me as I process this week with irreverence.
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30 May 2022
I used to think cops were just racist. Full stop. Now I have to come to terms with the fact that they’re pussies too?
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30 May 2022
If you think these remarks are ‘too soon’ just imagine I’m talking about an earlier school shooting. You can pick any one you’d like, really. They’re all pretty terrible.
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