“Humble enough to know I’m replaceable, cocky enough to know she’s a downgrade” Is the phrase, I believe.

I loan it out in June.

Today a friend described me as ‘a pocket rocket of chaos’ I might make that my new bio x

Just me or is the news that a police dog was injured, one of the most upsetting things about the #southamptonriots The whole thing makes me incredibly sad but which dickhead did that?

Have you ever had your TMJ adjusted? Not much fun is it? #chiropractic #TMJ #ouch

We’re excited to announce a run of intimate headline shows this June in Southampton, Newport & Lancaster as part of @musicvenuetrust’s Everywhere At Once, powered by The National Lottery Mailing list presale: Thurs 28 May, 10am General sale: Fri 29 May, 10am #EverywhereAtOnce

NEW GIG ANNOUNCEMENT 📣 The incredible Ed Harcourt returns to the Erin Arts Centre for one night only. If you missed him last time, this is your chance to come and see him! Tickets on sale now, available via the link below ⬇️ ticketsource.com/butfirstpro…

Ahhh! Back in my own bed

I have to be politically neutral, publicly. That should be easy enough, not as if there’s anything happening in our world to have a strong opinion on, right??

Those clowns who call bananas taped to a wall art should see this!

Just a reminder, Live Music doesn't have to be expensive... Tix start from £7 here Beers start from £4 here £20 for a solid night out ✌🏼

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I’ve decided to return today! Will be in the big Tesco in Wigan at 12 signing Bibles

Well, that was quite the day. Poetry this afternoon and a cheeky gig tonight #harrybaker #feelingbetter #migrainecure #perfection #whatthedoctorordered

Have you watched The Manosphere with Louis Theroux on Netflix? As the Dad of a 17 year old son, I think @jimmycarr is spot on. What do you think?

Repeat after me “I love my job, I love my job, I love my job” Did it work? No? Me neither! #managementresponsibility #biggirljob #dontlikeittoday #fuckingpeople

Can you stop being dicks for like 5 minutes!!

Keith the Apocalypse Bringer is a three-year-old Anglo-Nubian goat in a field in Devon. Keith should not be underestimated. Keith has been systematically dismantling the ecosystem since approximately 7am, when he ate a bramble. This is significant because bramble is an invasive scrub species that outcompetes wildflowers, reduces biodiversity, and creates dense monoculture thicket that nothing else can use. Keith ate it. Keith does this every day. Keith does not charge for this service. 8:15am - Keith ate a thistle. Thistles are also considered invasive scrub in managed pasture. Goldfinches eat thistle seeds, but Keith's grazing will ensure the pasture remains open enough for the ground-nesting birds that can't use dense scrub. Keith has not attended a conservation workshop. Keith arrived at this conclusion by being a goat. 9:00am - Keith dismantled a section of hedge. This was less helpful. Keith does not have a perfect record. 10:30am - Keith escaped the field. He was in the road for eleven minutes. He ate a neighbour's rose. This is not being counted in Keith's environmental impact assessment. 11:00am - Keith was returned to the field. Keith regarded the farmer with the specific expression of an animal that does not recognise the concept of property. 12:00pm - Keith ate more bramble. His digestive system: four stomachs, a rumen full of specialised microorganisms, the ability to extract nutrition from lignified plant matter that would defeat any other animal on this field, is converting scrub vegetation into milk with a fat content of approximately 4.5%. The milk will become cheese. The cheese will be sold at the farm shop. The farm shop is four miles away. The cheese food miles are: four. 3:00pm - Keith produced manure. The manure will grow the grass. The grass will grow the bramble. The bramble will be eaten by Keith. This system has no inputs. It has been running since goats were domesticated approximately ten thousand years ago. Keith is not aware he is saving the planet. Keith is thinking about whether the fence on the north side has a weak point. It does. Keith found it at 4:45pm. Keith got out again.

Overheard on Southampton high street. “I just need to meet a really intelligent bird, yeah. I know it wouldn’t suit me, but she would change me” #overheard #lads #facts