I peaked in high school. • Business Inquiries: Matt Kirschner- matt@talentresources.com
Joined June 2012
- Tweets 13,725
- Following 153
- Followers 758,905
- Likes 7,169
412 Photos and videos
4 Oct 2021
It’s football season! Brainwashing my kids to be Wildcats like their old man, and super excited about the Fan Zone that @CoxComm created so the whole family can join in on the game day fun. Say “Fan Zone” in your remote to check it out. #EMAW #CoxPartner #ad
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9 Jun 2020
I’m starting to think this Catherine girl has a chance.
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9 Jun 2020
Apparently, “It was seven years ago,” is not a valid defense in my house and I’m still an idiot.
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9 Jun 2020
I fell for it. But!!!! I’m a dumb man so that explains it.
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9 Jun 2020
So far I haven’t been stabbed by Catherine. Couldn’t be going better!
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9 Jun 2020
This kiss thing was really awkward but not as awkward as watching it with my wife right now.
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9 Jun 2020
Watching this with Catherine. Please say a prayer for me.
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8 Jun 2020
Thinking about ending my twitter hiatus to roast myself tonight on the Bachelor recap episode. Seems only fair after roasting others for years.
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30 May 2020
There’s an older Korean lady who owns a donut shop down the street from us who tells all the kids who come into her store that she loves them, and that’s the kind of energy we all need in 2020.
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23 May 2020
You know how kids can show you glimpses of their intellect at a young age? Well, my eldest has walked into the same glass sliding door twice today.
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22 May 2020
Without question, my favorite magazine cover ever.
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20 May 2020
Same. My dad sells insurance for State Farm. You should have seen him in his prime.
20 May 2020
My old man was such a bad ass ✊🏼
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Sean Lowe retweeted
16 May 2020
The little guy gets pretty close to eating the Skittles, and it's so funny! To watch: buff.ly/3cBc2tZ #CandyChallenge @SeanLowe09
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10 May 2020
Thank you to all the moms out there! I’m not sure I’d even be alive without mine.
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7 May 2020
If staying at home has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t want any more kids. In fact, it’s taught me I don’t want the kids I have.
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6 May 2020
I fixed our leaky shower today.
I told Catherine she’s lucky she married a handyman.
She rolled her eyes.
I said, “And if you’re lucky, maybe I’ll be a handsyman tonight.”
With a disgusted look, she replied, “Touch me and die!”
Marriage is a blessing y’all!
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6 May 2020
I haven’t tweeted much lately because I have 3 kids under four years old in my house and I’ve been planning my escape from this prison they call home.
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1 May 2020
Samuel begged me to blow up this shark today. It took me 20 minutes and I almost passed out three different times.
When I finally finished he said, “Daddy, sharks are not blue, they’re gray. I think I want the slip n’ slide instead.”
I hate him.
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30 Apr 2020
Retweet this video of the smiling baby for your chance to win her two older brothers.
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29 Apr 2020
Respect. Slightly jealous I didn’t think of this terrible joke first.
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