I'm witnessing heartbreak in real-time.
A little girl sits across from me in a café.
Her face in utmost dread.
Eyes wide open.
Fearfully looking around.
Searching for escape, for comfort, for anyone who sees her pain.
But instead, she's bottling up anger and desperation.
Her mother ignoring her tears.
My heart sinks watching this unfold.
The mother is carelessly chatting with a friend, leisurely smoking a cigarette, completely ignoring the desperate daughter behind her back.
Then all of a sudden, she opens the seat for her kid to sit next to her...
I'm sharing this scene with you for a reason.
What we've witnessed here is disorganized insecure attachment forming in real-time.
Her mother ignores her for a bit, letting the child embrace the fact that she'll never soothe her.
Then the plot-twist happens, where mother starts to be available.
So what's happening here?
The kid is confused where she doesn't know what is right between the two.
She should trust and not trust her mother at the same time.
In other words...
The parent is the source of comfort and the source of threat at the same time.
Push-pull dynamic that breaks the child's heart. Which imprints its own unworthiness.
Stifling their capacity to give and receive love in adulthood...
and collaborate securely with all people in their lives,
resulting in:
- toxic neediness and/or stonewalling when intense feeling arise
- staying invisible and/or oversharing exuberantly
- passiveness and/or having fear of failure that keeps them from trying again
The good news is you don't need to feel like a prisoner of your own wounded childhood.
But as long as you stay in the shoes of your past wounded self...
People will cross your boundaries.
People will ignore your needs.
You won’t attract high-quality relationships where you feel safe to be your true self.
But if you start soothing the unmet needs of your inner child, your relationships (both with yourself and with others) will start to flourish, and grow with ease, naturally, just like a flower does.
People will want to be with you because of who you really are, without you needing to perform and wear a mask, or wait for them to see you.
--
Thank you for reading this!
I'm very sensitive to this domain of human development.
And my heart literally hurt when I saw this young girl.
Thank you for being with me!
P.S. A gentle but necessary truth:
If you're emotionally numb, please heal yourself before having children. The wounds from your own childhood deserve attention first.
P.P.S. If you want to:
- start attracting relationships where you feel like your true self
- have people see and love you for the real you, respecting your boundaries, and seeing you as a worthy person to be around
- have great confidence levels without being stuck in cycles of anxiety, and shame, and without numbing yourself
All of that without you needing to people-please, impress, or seek validation.
I’m offering 50% off on my 1:1 inner child healing sessions.
DM me “inner child guidance” for guidance on healing yours.