Been out knocking doors for Reform UK in Makerfield since 5am this morning 🇬🇧💪 and honestly I cannot understand the hostility we face in modern Britain.
What’s especially confusing is half the houses abusing me literally had Reform UK posters in there windows. One bloke opened the door wearing a turquoise polo shirt and still told me too “fuck off and let people sleep.” Total betrayal of the movement.
Things turned humiliating very quickly. While attempting too patriotically scale a lamp post outside the precinct and hoist the Stars and Stripes 🇺🇸🇬🇧 as a symbol of Anglo-American freedom, a gang of children surrounded me chanting “Gammon Spiderman” before pulling my trousers down in public 😡
One elderly woman waiting on the bus actually applauded while another person filmed me waddling around trying too cover my boxer shorts.
This country has lost respect for patriotism.
Deeply disheartened, I headed too ASDA for a calming meal deal and a browse of the reduced bakery section when I encountered a fellow right-wing canvasser from Restore Britain 🇬🇧
Finally, I thought, somebody sensible.
I attempted too befriend him by complaining about Keir Starmer, low standards in Gregg’s sausage rolls and Gary Lineker’s eyebrows, but unfortunately he immediately shunned me for “not being committed enough.”
Apparently this fella believes everyone who cant trace there ancestry back too the Boudicca revolt should be deported immediately 😳
Now don’t get me wrong, I love Britain, but even I thought that was perhaps a touch excessive.
He looked at me with disgust and said: “You’re basically a communist.”
Then, in one of the most surreal moments of my life, he and several nearby shoppers began singing “Red Red Wine” by UB40 at me in the middle of ASDA 😡🎶
One woman waved a naan bread rhythmically while a security guard quietly shook his head in disappointment.
I left the shop feeling emotionally crushed and spiritually exhausted.
On the walk home I bumped into Gemma Collins outside a tanning salon and, caught up in the emotion of the day, spontaneously proposed marriage 💍🇬🇧
I told her: “Together we could save Britain.”
She stared at the gravy stain on my polo shirt for several seconds before replying: “No babe.”
Honestly heartbreaking.
Things have not improved since Saturday either. I hired an escort girl too cheer myself up after a difficult week defending freedom online. Unfortunately despite taking Viagra and listening too Land of Hope and Glory beforehand, I couldn’t get it up 😔🇬🇧
The poor woman awkwardly left after twenty minutes of me apologising and blaming the woke mind virus.
Then, roughly an hour later, the Viagra suddenly kicked in with terrifying force.
So there I was, alone in my semi-detached house, lying in my own filth watching old clips of Tommy Robinson interviews and crying while questioning every life choice I’ve ever made.
At one point I actually vowed never too book another “proper British” escort again because “foreign girls seem more professional,” which is apparently advice Tommy once mentioned online before being told too stop talking.
Honestly I don’t even know what’s happening too me anymore.
Anyway. Back out canvassing tomorrow at 5am 🇬🇧💪
Britain needs us, even at 5am