Alan Watts on why trying harder is often the worst thing you can do.
Alan Watts identified a pattern that runs through the heart of Daoist and Zen philosophy, one he called the backwards law.
The idea is simple and deeply counterintuitive:
"When you would be strong, very often the best course is to be weak. When you would be powerful, the best course is often to withdraw."
Most of us are conditioned to believe that the path to any outcome is direct effort. Want connection? Pursue it. Want strength? Force it. Want happiness? Chase it.
But Watts argues that many of the things we most want in life are precisely the things we repel through our pursuit of them.
He uses solitude as the clearest illustration of this paradox:
"It's when you learn to love solitude that, paradoxically as it may seem, you are better able to get on with others."
The person who needs company who cannot sit alone, who craves connection and hunts for it is often the most difficult to be around. Their need fills the room. It creates pressure.
But the person who is genuinely comfortable with themselves? That ease is magnetic. They don't demand anything from the interaction. And so the connection forms naturally.
This is what Watts means by the backwards law. Contrary things come from unexpected directions. The outcome arrives not through the front door of direct effort, but through the side door of letting go.