A wife buys her redneck husband a scale to help with his new diet.
A week later, the redneck says, Honey, this here scale is great! Not only can I weigh myself, but now I know exactly how much I'm poopin' out 'cause of this new diet I'm on!
The wife, confused but curious, says, "That's... interesting. I never thought of that. So let me get this straight-you step on the scale before you go to the bathroom, then step on it again when you're done, and the difference is the weight of your poop?
The redneck stares at her like she just suggested rocket science. Nah, that's way too complicated.
I just put the scale on the toilet seat!