Stuntman. Rowdy. Toxic AF
Joined January 2018
- Tweets 48
- Following 0
- Followers 639
- Likes 89
3 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
22 Jan 2018
Cashier: would you like your milk in a bag?
me: i don’t even care if i die
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9 Oct 2018
*washes my car with a pomeranian because i don’t know what it is*
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10 Oct 2018
*laughs when the doctor tells me i have pancreatitis because i don’t know what it is*
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9 Oct 2018
*throws a blanket over a toddler because i don’t know what it is*
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9 Oct 2018
my tweets just scream unfollow me, my personality also screams this
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29 Sep 2018
i’m gonna order pizza from 2 different places to see if the delivery guys will show up at the same time and fight
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10 Jul 2018
*first date*
Her: GIMME BACK MY FUCKIN PHONE
Me, from inside the bar’s bathroom: WHO THE FUCK IS RODNEY
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26 Jun 2018
so there i was, sitting crisscross applesauce when all hell broke loose
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26 Jun 2018
my ex asked me to drop the metaphors and speak like a normal person, but that’s like asking a samurai not to use his sword
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26 Jun 2018
before meds: i hate everything
after meds: *with enthusiasm* i hate everything
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22 Jun 2018
me: do you wanna know what happened to the last guy who threatened me?
Bumper cars operator: i meant your time is up like get off the ride
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17 Jun 2018
i don’t know if this is an anxiety attack or just being alive
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