Professional Entertainer (Juggling/Comedy/Magic/Circus Skills Tutor) 8-time @UKPunOff winner. New #LunchPun joke each day. tinyurl.com/MyBestJokes
Joined October 2009
- Tweets 25,468
- Following 3,820
- Followers 8,083
- Likes 45,954
5,473 Photos and videos
I won’t stop until I find the person who stole my sultanas and currants.
It’s my raisin debtor. #LunchPun
10
176
Romesh Ranganathan read out some of my hip-hop jokes on his "For the love of hip-hop" Radio 2 programme on the 6th June (got quite a surprise when I was driving to a gig at the weekend and heard the podcast!) Here's the couple of clips (1min20).
4
240
The “Frozen” themed train didn’t stop at my station and they refused to refund me.
This was a missed carriage of just ice. #LunchPun
14
414
How do you convince George Ezra to sing?
Use a song off Shotgun. #LunchPun
5
183
How did I feel when someone took scissors to my most handsome photo?
I was pretty cut up. #LunchPun
6
113
Invented a new typewriter that’s easy to use.
“Pro to type?”
“No, I’ve just said anyone should be able to use it”. #LunchPun
15
171
Did you hear about the 3rd century Christian martyr who also invented lard?
“Crispin dry?”
“No, they drowned him”. #LunchPun
12
220
I went with my parents to India.
“Mumbai?”
“No, I treated them”. #LunchPun
16
220
I’ve created an Italian sweetbread in memory of the late great jazz singer Mr Bennett.
“Pannettone?”
“I won’t say a bad word against that man”. #LunchPun
10
240
There’s a job vacancy at the fishmongers,
and I’m hoping they’ll let me fillet. #LunchPun
1
17
223
Can’t remember where my Grandparents are buried.
I’ve lost the plot. #LunchPun
7
409
The presentation at the Duracell AGM went on and on (and on and on…) #LunchPun
1
5
198
I keep throwing bits of my face at cricketers.
It might seem strange, but no-one has batted an eyelid. #LunchPun
14
143
I tried going on the internet to find out more about tennis but the server was down. #LunchPun
12
152
Would you like to Seymour jokes about Henry VIII's wives, or is it just Parr for the course? #LunchPun
1
18
310
Got fired from my job on the helter skelter,
so I sued my boss for funfair dismissal. #LunchPun
3
13
500
I perform deep breathing and flowing movements as I enjoy my hot drinks.
I do tai-chi, when I drink chai tea. #LunchPun
1
2
12
264
Stevie Vegas (Steve the Juggler) retweeted
The cake that won the contest was a victorious sponge.
#LunchPun
1
2
23
268
Stevie Vegas (Steve the Juggler) retweeted
Which Celebrity submerges her desserts into boiling water, then ice?
Cake Blanch-it. #LunchPun
1
2
19
301
Stevie Vegas (Steve the Juggler) retweeted
When my Sister's little one got up on stage at Butlins and ate lots of snacks, she won the nibbly Niece contest.
#LunchPun
2
24
262