I told the story recently of the dinner where I was sitting next to a woman who had made partner at a prominent biglaw firm *that very day.*
We were chatting lightly about life, work and family and I said âYou can have it all.â
She laughed and said âI know! You canât have it all.â
I snapped back⊠âCAN have it all.â
In hindsight, I regret saying that because it probably made her feel bad.
And the truth is sheâs right.
By its strict definition, itâs impossible to âhave it all.â
In fact, I was talking to a good friend Friday and we were going through life category by category.
âWork, familyâŠâ
âWhat else is there?â I asked him?
âWhat would be on my list if I was a normal person.â
He laughed. He was puzzled too.
80 hours per week... at least. Thatâs how much Iâd guess I work inclusive of marketing and general thinking about business.
The rest of the time, Iâm at school dropoffs, school events, fun activities for the kids, date nights, church, etc.
I go burn out level hard in both categories.
Thereâs very little left for me on the margins.
Someone I know from work and socials came and visited me recently on the weekend.
He admitted he âwanted to see if the lifestyle I portray is truly the lifestyle I actually live.â
I thought that was funny.
My mom overheard him and chimed in with back-handed motherly comment.
âThe one thing Iâll say about Eric is he uses every minute he has with his kids.â
Thanks Mom but what did you mean by âthe one thingâ? Ha
Anyways, Iâm getting to my point.
Iâm reminded of the old college joke:
âGood grades, a social life and/or sleep, you can only pick two.â
In the adult world, itâs 15 categories: good income, good family, good health, finances, sleep, social life, fun, etc.
And you can really only pick two or three and do them well.
Maybe you can do more but if so I havenât figured it out yet?
But hereâs the thing:
You gotta remember what youâre trying to accomplish with all this.
For me, and I think most of us, the answer is obvious.
Cue the cliche âwhat youâll think about on your death bedâ or âlive to work, donât work to liveâ quotes.
And I think itâs so much more than that.
You can absolutely have a kickass career.
Crush it for your clients and people.
Care deeply about your work.
Make a good income.
Build something cool.
Leave a professional legacy.
And you can still make it to school dropoffs.
Make it to the field trips and school events.
Take the awesome family vacations.
Have good relationships with your kids.
But youâre not going to sleep great.
And your office is probably going to be messy.
And youâre not going to have a ton of friends or fun.
When (if, I should say) I get to the gates of heaven, Iâm guessing Iâll probably leave behind three cups on my desk, be a little soft in the midsection, bald from stress, and have deep bags under my eyes.
But, you know what guys, thatâs cool.
I spent the weekend camping with the family at Disney and got a visit from my good friend,
@SuccessWithJake, and his family.
Watching this ultra successful serial entrepreneur chase his kids around and do waterslides was a great reminder that us fellas are not alone.
If youâre not feeling the pinch or the push and pull from life, frankly, youâre not doing enough.
In the end, you can have âit all.â You just need to be careful how you define the word âall.â
We live in a time of a never ending push for more. With social media fueling relative comparisons.
You need to get comfortable doing your best and being kind to yourself.
For me, great family and great work is enough. Iâll work on the six pack in the next lifetime.
One thing Iâm really struggling with as a dad in my 40s.
The next 15 years are my prime earning years as a professional.
The work I did the first 15 years (25-40) are set to pay off the next 15 years.
But those are also my kidâs prime childhood years.
When Iâm 50 my oldest will be out of the house.
When Iâm 55 only my baby girl will be left.
Itâs a âyes, andâ type of answer that requires a lot of attention and intention.
But this is something I think about all the time. If youâre a dad over 60âhow did you experience this?