Every once in awhile, a bio so amazing comes along that it changes your life. This isn't that bio.
Joined February 2015
- Tweets 25,975
- Following 1,219
- Followers 3,877
- Likes 43,357
741 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
14 Jul 2022
He's a 6.75 but always makes you feel like a 10.
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Spectrum has been down for 3 days. No TV, no Internet, no home phone. This is ridiculous.
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Super Randomish retweeted
When a girl says, "5 mins", think about it like there are five minutes left in the 4th quarter and both teams have all their timeouts.
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Where are all the "I did that๐๐ผ" stickers for Trump at the gas pumps like they loved to do for Biden?
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I was realizing yesterday that I almost never see anyone wearing a red MAGA hat anymore in Florida. No giant obnoxious flags on trucks. Not even a bumper sticker. I know they exist but them being proud of it seems to be fading. This makes me happy.
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Super Randomish retweeted
Kid Rock makes music for people who always look wet but never shower.
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There was a commercial on NBC about some project and it said "produced by Robert Redford" and my mom said "didn't he die". She rewound the TV, we watched again and there was no such commercial on. That is bizarre. Glitch in the matrix? Haha
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Super Randomish retweeted
Texas has 2.1M undocumented immigrants and Florida has 1.2M.
Minnesota has 130,000.
Don't let anyone tell you this is about immigration.
It never was.
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Super Randomish retweeted
14 Sep 2025
.@Lions QB @JaredGoff16 has produced two-career games with at least 300 passing yards, an 80.0% completion percentage and a passer rating of 155.0.
This ties for the most such games in @NFL history.
#OnePride
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12 Sep 2025
I'm at that point in my life where my "going out" outfit is the same as my "staying in" outfit, just with fewer stains.
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Super Randomish retweeted
6 Sep 2023
It always amazes me that people will buy the cheapest option and then complain that it works like the cheapest option.
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Super Randomish retweeted
17 Nov 2015
Bob: This damn archival paper keeps jamming. It's like it hates me.
Me: *looks down* There's your problem Bob. You're using ARCHRIVAL paper
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24 Oct 2024
Asking the mechanic to put a pumpkin patch on my tire because it's spooky season.
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12 Sep 2024
I bet @realDonaldTrump won't talk about otter gangs literally eating people.
11 Sep 2024
Jogger left bloodied, dazed and crying after getting mauled โ by a gang of otters trib.al/XnhiSan
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Super Randomish retweeted
23 Aug 2024
Growing up with a race car bed really prepared me for having to sleep in my 2004 Honda Accord
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23 Aug 2024
I just had a lady returning a moisture meter and she said "it keeps reading everything as wet, maybe it's just me though...Wait, that didn't sound right"
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Super Randomish retweeted
16 Aug 2024
A peace sign is just a middle finger with a friend.
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15 Aug 2024
So I asked @GoogleAI which team was going to win the NFC. It's all nonsense. Justin Herbert in Chicago? Tom Brady back to the Bucs? Trey Lance with the 49ers? It's wildly inaccurate.
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