During my 35 years at Tom Landry I spanked thousands of students, shaping their character and preparing them to die in wars overseas.
Joined October 2009
- Tweets 15,590
- Following 466
- Followers 408
- Likes 11,691
207 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
Mar 16
Everybody loves Conan. Is there anyone under 70 we all love more? I say no.
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I’ve also started checking accounts registration on slightly off posts and telling people. We need to get better about this, it’s the best new feature in a while.
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Do you always use the same foot first when going down stairs? It think I do, no idea how I picked that one as the trusted foot.
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Was watching a video with sounds upsetting to my kitty. I turned it off and said, “Don’t worry. I will always, always protect you from loud noises and anything else. Unless it costs like $4000.”
Not everyone gets my humor.
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May 29
Hahaha my kitty just tried to be sassy and lay on a very sloping section of the couch. She slowly slipped down and had to try and place herself twice before I picked her up and moved her to a seismically solid spot. Cats are so entertaining.
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May 27
You ever get a sandwich so poorly distributed you start taking strategic half bites from different sectors? Yeah, me neither. How’s the team doing this year?
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May 22
It’s probably not good I get most human interaction from delivery people, right?
They are almost uniformly kind, tip your goddamn drivers and bikers.
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May 19
Crying to Here We Go by Jon Brion from Punch Drunk Love soundtrack again.
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May 19
“You've gotta hope that there's someone for you
As strange as you are
Who can cope with the things that you do
Without trying too hard”
Jesus Christ, a cruise missile to my soul.
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May 16
As bad as cyber trucks look what really pisses me off about them is the fucking horn that sounds like the police. Fuck you, fuck your toddler car and fuck pretending to be a cop!
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TanningChatum retweeted
May 6
@1800flowers Count Your Days!!!!
1. That’s what I ordered
2. You sent dead flowers
3. Your customer service reps keep giving me a fake email address so I can show your company the piece of shit flowers you sent my mother for Mothers Day
4. Your company is worthless
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TanningChatum retweeted
May 7
@1800flowers, at this point you’re playing games with people. There are flowers half dead in the back. And it’s clearly still not what I ordered. If your company or whatever local flower shop you use doesn’t have the exact colors, WHY ADVERTISE IT.
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TanningChatum retweeted
@1800flowers zero trust. This is what arrived today for Mother’s Day weekend. Vase and no flowers. A refund from your AI doesn’t bring flowers for my wife this holiday. As long time customer, I can’t do business with a place this incompetent. Bouqs here i come!
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TanningChatum retweeted
@1800flowers in what universe are these two the same. The one on the left is what I received. The one on the right is what I ordered for Mothers Day. Replacement won’t be delivered until 5/13. #UNSAT!
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TanningChatum retweeted
May 9
@1800flowers Received flowers last Friday. 1 was broken & 2 didn’t look too good. I chat with virtual ass’t who sends me to specialist & it’ll be about 2 mins (it was 12), then the agent asks me to wait another 1-2 mins (that was actually like 6 mins!) I did get a refund finally
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TanningChatum retweeted
May 9
@1800flowers got this for my daughter’s first Mother's Day, and the product was damaged and unacceptable—very ugly gift and quality. It seems to have been handled roughly during transport. Been waiting for 30 minutes for customer care. No luck never buying again. 😡
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TanningChatum retweeted
May 10
Nice job @1800flowers of not delivering the mother's day flowers we paid to have delivered today. It seems you never even sent them.
I sure know who not to call in the future.
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May 10
There used to be a dude who would quote tweet all the fuckups 1 800 Flowers makes every Mother’s Day. I’m gonna try to make a tribute to him.
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