Social Creative Director. Shitposting 9-5. Shit posts 5-9. Once trended here, haven't been trendy since.
Joined May 2009
- Tweets 61,104
- Following 1,290
- Followers 10,292
- Likes 23,382
3,829 Photos and videos
šØš£šļø| Florentino Perez:
"The player I'm going to offer ā¬150M for next week is NOT Haaland, NOT Michael Olise, NOT Kane, NOT Doku."
"He's not a FORWARD and also NOT a defender."
"My SUPERSTAR doesn't play in the Premier League."
"He is a CRISTIANO RONALDO TYPE OF SUPERSTAR, He is a TOTAL GALACTICO. People will NOT BELIEVE IT."
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May 1
š“ Peter Kay rushed off stage as venue evacuated over āsuspicious bagā
telegraph.co.uk/news/2026/05ā¦
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Apr 27
To anyone who received this link in a DM from me, please do not click. I was hacked and itās a scam. Youād never catch me dead hosting a podcast.
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Itās been so hot today, Iāve told everyone Trump is doing a fantastic job just for the cold stares.
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BREAKING: Man on far-right says we shouldn't ban far-right people
Apr 7
šØ WATCH: Nigel Farage says the Government shouldn't ban Kanye West from coming to the UK
"If we start banning people from entering the country because we don't like what they say, I worry where that ends up... it's a dangerous path to go down"
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Mar 23
george fouracres is the most important thing to happen to UK comedy in the last 25 years and I won't be taking any further questions
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Marty Lawrence retweeted
Still my favorite video of the last however many years. Watch it once a week
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Turns out the circle in 'Let's circle back in January' was a downward spiral.
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[in lift on first day back]
ME:
COLLEAGUE:
ME:
COLLEAGUE:
ME:
COLLEAGUE:
ME:
COLLEAGUE:
ME:
COLLEAGUE: so how was your chriā
ME: āwe don't have to do this
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ME: for new year's, I'm giving up
FRIEND: giving up what?
ME: I don't understand
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31 Dec 2025
weāve put men on the moon, robots on mars and created the internet, but still we canāt invent a packet of parma ham where you can peel the meat off the plastic strips seamlessly
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20 Dec 2025
should have known heād be caught up in the Epstein files. All those years of walking around with no pants on and everyone just looked the other way. Sickening.
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10 Dec 2025
a UK version of Australiaās under-16s social media ban except it's for anyone over 50 with a union jack in their bio
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9 Dec 2025
My four-year-old has been cast as a star in the school nativity and has spent the last 48 hours announcing to strangers that he is, in fact, āthe star of the show.ā If this isnāt the origin story of a future PR exec, I donāt know what is.
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Marty Lawrence retweeted
8 Dec 2025
Halftime: Dynamically weaves AI-generated ads into the scenes youāre watching, so breaks feel like part of the story instead of interruptions.
@krishgarg @yuviecodes @lohanipravin
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