New Album NONE OF THIS IS TRUE Available Now
Joined April 2014
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“Adam you are perfect for this show!”
-Someone who will be forced to cancel their show.
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Jun 14
The Knicks will likely turn down any invite to The White House in honor of their win, but the better move would be for them to go and then for the entire team to fall asleep while Trump is talking.
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Jun 13
All this World Cup talk is embedding soccer in every aspect of New York daily life, I just saw one of the showtime boys kick a tourist in the head with the inside of his foot.
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Jun 13
I’m not interested in Tony Hinchcliffe’s Special but I will write a review based on watching one randomly drawn minute of it.
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Jun 12
I had two good sets of three tonight. I won’t say that the reason for the bad performance was that Trump was in attendance, but there was a lot of booing going on.
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Jun 10
I love the What If? idea Marvel uses in their comics books, other forms of media they should have that. Oh, wait that’s just called Fiction.
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Jun 9
Trump is now is saying every election since 1960 has been rigged by the Democrats, and is insisting that Mondale actually earned negative Electoral Votes.
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Jun 8
1996: Don’t worry, once you’re out of school the theater kids won’t get pushed to the side in favor of the athletes anymore.
2026: All of your shows are canceled for the Knicks games.
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Jun 8
People have the best sense of humor about themselves when they think they are laughing at someone else.
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Jun 7
Tonight’s set was appropriate for the anniversary of my birth because it ended with me crying and getting slapped.
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Jun 6
This hotel doesn’t have a do not disturb sign for the door because that is not an option here.
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Jun 6
The reviews said the hotel we are at is pretty high caliber, but it turns out they were talking about the size of the bullet holes.
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Jun 4
I think BuzzFeed has dementia. Every day it’s a new article expecting me to be surprised by the same fact they told me the day before.
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Jun 3
My daughter is going off to college in the fall, which I’m excited for because then it will be her fault that I’m not around,
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Jun 3
People keep telling me I should shave my head, which I would never do because I’ve got a ton of cuts and scars on there and I don’t need to add any more.
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Jun 2
It’d be crazy to go on the Gong Show as a Percussionist. You’d be thinking “I can’t tell if they want me to stop or if this dude wants to jam.”
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Jun 1
The Riddler is the only villain that doesn’t like to shoot first and ask questions later.
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