Today I got to cross “go into a bank with a bandanna mask and empty out a vault” off my bucket list. If you count a safe deposit box as a vault. Which I do.

Joel

Joel @TheBeast

6 Oct 2019

Interesting—just finished a case of Sierra Nevada Brut IPA I’ve been working through since mid-spring. The longer they sit, the less “brut” and more “IPA” they become. Not a bad thing at all, but the difference between one I had in June and the one I’m having now is remarkable.

Joel

Joel @TheBeast

20 Jul 2019

Waylon Jennings is a genius, a legend, and an icon, and deservedly so, but it is absolutely appalling how many times he recorded “MacArthur Park” trying to make it a country hit.

Joel

Joel @TheBeast

14 Jul 2019

It’s just like the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme, except instead of getting an airplane spin and a psychedelic taxi ride to a rich uncle’s house, it’s a potentially life threatening gunshot wound and a financially crippling hospital bill. 6abc.com/police-at-least-8-p…

Joel

Joel @TheBeast

21 Jan 2019

I couldn’t give less of a shit who wins Chiefs-Patriots and I’m still stress eating about it.

Joel

Joel @TheBeast

19 Oct 2018

Superman. Fuckin’ A right.

The Dad

@thedad

15 Oct 2018

Forget astrology. The tagline of the #1 movie at the box office the day you were born, that determines your fate from now on

Joel

Joel @TheBeast

21 Sep 2018

Note to self: doing a Scott Ferrall “shakeituuuuuuuup” impression from the radio while shaking the milk bottle is not a good way to calm down a crying baby.

Joel

Joel @TheBeast

21 Sep 2018

Currently feeding my baby a bottle we froze when he was four days old and now he’s four months old and I’m not crying you’re crying shut up.

Joel

Joel @TheBeast

20 Sep 2018

Y’all can boycott based on politics all you want, I’ll stay away from companies if their TV commercials are loud and obnoxious. Looking at you, @SUBWAY. That “flatlining burger” commercial drove me straight to a local competitor yesterday.

Joel

Joel @TheBeast

6 Aug 2018

Comcast > Armstrong Cable, and I don’t say that to compliment Comcast. I’d switch back tomorrow if I could and pay a higher price for service that works more reliably and at the speeds I’m paying for. #ArmstrongSucks

Joel

Joel @TheBeast

6 Aug 2018

My @followthewire internet is down for the 4th time since May, and here I sit waiting for dispatch to maybe call me to set up a tech appt. for maybe tomorrow morning. So glad I pay for a high tier that has a data cap and usually runs about 1/3 of advertised speed #ArmstrongSucks

Joel

Joel @TheBeast

23 Jul 2018

That moment when you hit the level in the Pringles can that makes you say “fuck it, we’re shooting the moon.”

Joel

Joel @TheBeast

18 Jul 2018

I got a South Park song stuck in my head and now I have to explain to my wife why I’m muttering “shut your fucking face uncle fucker” under my breath.