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TheDaddyFiles @TheDaddyFiles

Come and enjoy some of the tired, stressed, and amused ramblings of a Stay at home Dad to two amazing children.

Joined February 2019
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18 Photos and videos
Parenting Monday’s: Child in car seat: I spilled water on me Me: that’s ok, it’ll dry Child: actually I think I peed Me: well is it water or pee?!?! Child: it’s pee Me: ......
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My 5yo knocked his toothbrush into the toilet by accident, so we threw it away and replaced it with a new one. Feeling bad for the lonely toothbrush in the trash, my 3yo dipped her toothbrush in the toilet so that It could join the other toothbrush in the trash can.
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TheDaddyFiles retweeted
John Cena@SohnCena
17 Aug 2019
Toddler: I’m done sleeping in my bed for the night. I’m gonna sleep in your bed now. Me: but- Toddler: move!
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A parent’s lunch
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packed and ready to leave the house on time to get to a party.....but then my 3yo sees the “emergency” clothes that I put in the bag. She decides she’d rather wear the junk clothes instead of her nice dress that 30 min ago she wanted. Long story short, I’ll prob be 2 hr late now.
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Listening to kids playing in laughing in the the other room Me: parenting can be so rewarding .....7 1/2 seconds later.... Kids: **screams of pain and anger** Me: well that was a relaxing 7 seconds
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I remember every time my mom tried to hide bread ends by making a sandwich with the ends facing in. 30 years later, I’m trying to pull the same shenanigans on my son knowing full well it will fail.
I need a counter that tracks the number of times I swear in my head while preparing the children to leave the house. You are literally standing on top of your other shoe, what do you mean you can’t find it. Yes you need to wear a shirt Why is your sister crying now?!?!?
Today I started selling some of my kids’ toys on yard sale sites. All threats I now make to throw away toys are now credible and to be taken very seriously. My son is currently doing his best to incorporate all his old toys into playtime so he can say he still uses them.
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After a long and trying day of solo parenting: Kids: what’s for dinner Me: scotch Kids: what? Me: what! Kids:......... Me:.........oh, what are you having?!? Kids:......... Me:.........pizza?
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I just had to explain the purpose of a disposable camera to my 5 year old. I was not adequately prepared for this moment. Why is it out of photos Why not just recharge the batteries Can we fix it
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Parenting tip #621: don’t tell your kids where you are going until you actually get there. Kids can’t have a melt down due to “destination” being closed, if they didn’t know what the destination was to begin with.
also, when you go to check on the kids in the other room, and they are crying over something ridiculous
when you go to check on the kids in the other room and they are actually playing nicely
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I fed my daughter lucky charms for the first time.
Painting my daughters room when Limp Bizket’s - rollin comes on the radio. I feel as if the Dad Gods have smiled upon me.
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While getting my 2yr old dressed, she cried because she didn’t like what I picked out. So like a responsible adult, I said, “fine, dress yourself” and walked out of the room. 2 min later, she emerged from the room dressed in clothes that matched better than what I picked out.
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Everyone has that laundry basket of single socks waiting for their lost match. My son conveniently loses both socks simultaneously so we don’t have to deal with that.
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We have a letter puzzle that makes the letter sound when you place the piece. It’s also light activated. So when I left the puzzle out and shut off the lights for the night, I got quite the startle when I heard a breath exhale. Turned out to be the puzzle making the “H” sound.
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