To explain how I happily have eight mostly-cis children by five mothers would take a Substack article, and we are on X. So I won’t bore you with details, just note that I sat a few tests these other guys haven’t, and what I learned is that if you want to live, you need to drink fermented bison organs.

Such gardens as Olympus grants me, I shall tend.

I wrote this song for brother Sabin but two or three of you will also enjoy it. Today was a rare wipe as Poseidon finally won one over Athena. But just as all seemed lost, two little girls ran over to tell me they were inspired by me to build their own. It was an absolute masterpiece as you can see. For some reason it is only the little girls and the gay old men who really appreciate me. Laugh all you want, but you underestimate the potential of a coalition of little girls and gay old men ruled by Timothy. With respect, you haven’t even wargamed it. But I have.

If your name is Timothy, I want to follow you. If your name is Tim, please keep scrolling.

Nithya Raman’s name will forever be synonymous with disenfranchisement. The parasites occupying Los Angeles hoped to control the conversation by excluding Pratt, but they elevated a new Quisling. Every time Raman — who is not being paid nearly enough for the damnation that history will pile on her memory — appears in public, she will remind Angelenos and the world that California is under occupation. Therefore, we don’t expect to hear much from her ever again. Her name will appear on the November ballot while she hides her traitorous face.

This is also true of shaking after preworkout.

Do not be lulled into a false sense of security. Queen Hippo’s teeth may be pegs, but her tongue is sharp.

All hail Queen Hippo! You didn’t know about Queen Hippo, obscure Egyptian demigod of the third millennium BCE, because our elite party of adventurers is the first to survive the encounter. We warded her with a runic circle and sacrificed a live crab. Now we are blessed by Queen Hippo. Having unleashed her on the lower dimensions, I suggest that you also get right with Her Majesty.

In memoriam Henry Nowak. Nobody on the beach knew who that was. Perhaps they never will. Gerardo “Benito” Valenzuela arrived as if from heaven (Arizona technically) and immediately began shoveling like a boss and handling all stations. Thanks to him we were able to lay up this party prep in record time. I was delighted to go home early to eat. But on the way home, when the light turned green and I pulled into the intersection, a massive SUV blew the red light and T-boned my new car. There were witnesses and dashcam footage so we’ll be alright. And yes, tomorrow’s sandcastle party is still on. Do I look like someone who gives up that easily? The globalists are going to have to send better assassins than that. See you tomorrow.

Magisterial Krapf says you can’t do deadlift sets on one breath when shit gets real heavy. It is well, then, that I am piddling with trivial 375x5x3, hardly 2.2x bodyweight, even worse than @majeikstagram with his insignificant 480 1RM for which he is so justly trolled. Because if I breathe between reps, my thorax turns into a whoopee cushion, and my blood pressure declines to mere hypertension from the threshold of medical emergency, which is the only place I feel comfortable anymore on account of the captivating light show. As I diet down to an even weaker physique while raising the weight out of pure ego lifting, I am certain to snap my shit up, spraying the contents of my carotids all over the Smith machine and splattering my spine jelly on the pec deck. When that happens, I will bring it to you in slow motion, and my wife has been issued posthumous instructions to this effect.

Things to keep close sorted by proximity: 1. Friends 2. Enemies 3. Deadlift bar 4. Athena

Everyone should enjoy a fun and successful fat loss diet at least once in life. Pay no heed to these goblins who portray fat loss as miserable and futile. They only know slave morality. But you and I are not slaves. We are human beings! In fact, burning fat is just as hedonic as piling it on, with the subtle difference that when binging, joy comes first and discomfort after, whereas on a diet the sequence is reversed. How, then, do we set ourselves up for success, and what can we expect? First, on a calorie cut, you are “eating” yourself. That means your enjoyment scales with the quality and cleanliness of your own stored fat. Did you bulk up on species-appropriate food? To that extent, you are going to feel amazing. If you loaded seed oils and goyslop, less so. Second, your strength foundation sets the caliber of your nozzle. Statistically average? You are melting Madame Tussaud’s with a zippo. A few months training with barbells? Flamethrower tank. If you are short on these prerequisites, use this year to enhance them. Cut in 2027. If yours check out, know that the hardest part of the diet is the first day. The best move, then, is not to realize you are on the first day. Don’t tell anybody you are going on a diet, not even yourself. Doing that immediately makes it ten times harder to follow through. Instead, wait until you wake up sluggish and bloated from one too many lobster rolls, and naturally eat fewer calories. Day one, done! On the second day, press that momentum with low carb, low fat, high protein, high probiotics. A couple cans of salmon with sauerkraut, for example, plus some berries for dessert. On day three, your microbiome has already shifted and your food preferences are pivoting. You have warmed up the metabolic grill on which you will cook ~2 pounds of your own fat each week. From then until several weeks in, you will be more energized than before. Your athletic performance improves. Your silhouette starts scalloping and your shoulders start striating. This is the happy-making time. We will address Phase II and Phase III in a future post. So! Are you getting after it?

This is your statutory 24-hour notice that you are invited to our Venice Beach sandcastle party this Saturday morning, June 6. 82 years earlier, a mob of teenagers stormed the beaches at Normandy and tore down Rommel’s Atlantic Wall! This weekend, will you challenge yourself to drive in comfort to Venice Beach and play in the sand? Few are called; fewer answer. We shall meet as usual at the waterline west of Venice Blvd. around sunrise and stay until noon. We shall never surrender! ❤️‍🔥

When I run short of plates for the squat rack, I remove them from the leg press so that the gooners must flirt with free weights.

Gas in LA is not expensive enough until these SUV jockeys stop testing their 0-60 at every green light and slamming the brakes at all reds. $20/gal should do it. I offer this sacrifice gladly

A few early thoughts on my latest journey to single-digit body fat. Previous effort shown top left. Currently 8 pounds down, 15-20 to go: Humans thrive on calorie restriction. We gain fat precisely to burn it. Other primates begin starving after one day with no food; we can fast for weeks while performance actually increases. Done properly, calorie restriction is exhilarating and fun, an essential legacy of your ancestors. Instead of starving on a calorie deficit, we feast on our own stored fat and damaged tissue. Hunger, which comes in waves, is the subjective feeling of warming up the metabolic grill, and should be embraced. We go to bed hungry, but wake up satiated and energized. Tissue damage and inflammation that never quite goes away on calorie surplus heals rapidly in deficit. We diet not just for fat loss, but to repair our foundation for future strength gains. Even just a few pounds of fat loss has an outsized benefit in terms of mobility, hormonal health and general well being. Don’t make the perfect the enemy of the good; dieting brings new rewards weekly, often daily. The man who coexists cheerfully in a society of gluttons while saying no to his own appetite develops a godlike restraint that armors him against all corruption. As always, I am following Berkhan’s Leangains method, but with a couple of tweaks: • One meal a day • Fermented bison organs ad libitum So far, better than ever. Autumnal equinox is the finish line. Then comes recomp and bulking. What’s your take on fat loss?