This account is a parody and not affiliated with Tim Cook or Apple Inc.
Joined February 2019
- Tweets 1,368
- Following 0
- Followers 16,059
- Likes 83
217 Photos and videos
14 Sep 2025
If you’re wondering why there isn’t a black iPhone 17 Pro, it’s because we plan on releasing in 6 months to boost our stagnant sales.
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19 Feb 2025
I can’t remember the last time I blinked in one of our videos.
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31 Oct 2023
The only reason we listened to you all and made a matte black MacBook Pro after all these years is because we’re desperate and under pressure from the shareholders to increase our lacklustre Mac sales.
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12 Jan 2023
I’m financially ruined.
12 Jan 2023
Apple CEO Tim Cook’s pay will fall over 40% in 2023 (from $99.4 million to $49 million) after shareholder feedback and a recommendation from Cook after that feedback. bloomberg.com/news/articles/….
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13 Dec 2022
We sell the same shit every year. Even I can’t tell whether these phones are from this year or last year…
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8 Nov 2022
Are parody accounts allowed, or not? Asking for a friend.
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1 Nov 2022
It’s my birthday, so do me a favor and buy all of our products to give Apple stock a boost.
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16 Sep 2022
I only get my bonus if Apple’s stock price goes up, so please buy the 1TB iPhone 14 Pro Max in every color. Thanks.
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8 Sep 2022
Android: “the notch is ugly 🤮”
Apple: “it’s a ✨feature✨”
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7 Sep 2022
It’s not called a notch anymore; It’s now called ‘that bar thingy’.
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31 Aug 2022
Don’t bother watching the iPhone event. I’ll tell you everything you need to know: nothing will change except for the price which will be higher than before.
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29 Aug 2022
If you think the Apple Watch Pro is huge, wait until you see the Apple Watch Pro Max. Spoiler: It’s bigger than the Studio Display.
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25 Aug 2022
We’re not going to increase the price of the iPhone, we’re just going to get rid of the cheap models so that you’re forced to buy the expensive models.
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24 Aug 2022
Don’t get excited for the iPhone event. 87% of it will be about how the camera got slightly better.
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