@TobyHater profile picture
Michael Gary Scott @TobyHater

On company property with company property | hateroftoby@gmail.com

Joined August 2014
  • Tweets 1,709
  • Following 1
  • Followers 281,635
59 Photos and videos
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My favorite thing about our office is it feels like an office.
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I like Toby 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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Michael: Well, if you like her so much, don't give up. Jim: She's engaged. Michael: BFD. Engaged ain't married. Never, ever, ever give up.
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Ryan snapped at me. But there was this twinkle in his eye that said, "Dude, we're friends. I'm doing this for appearances. We'll always be friends. And I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man, and I love you." His words.
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I'm gonna steal all your clients. And I'm gonna kill them in front of you.
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Stanley, that's brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that in the streets?
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Drugs destroy careers. Take Cheech and Chong. Everyone knows they're funny. But imagine how funny they'd be if they didn't smoke pot.
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Tell me if this is creative... When I was five, I imagined there was such a thing as a unicorn. This is before I’d even heard of or seen one. I just drew a picture of a horse that could fly over rainbows and had a huge spike in its head. I was five. Five! Couldn't even talk yet.
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Why are you the way that you are?
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Where's Angela? There you are. I didn't see you behind that grain of rice. Boom roasted.
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After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time.
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What's wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for 7.
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Ryan: Did it happen on company property? Michael: Yes. It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy. We’re fine.
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I gotta make sure YouTube comes down to tape this.
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Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.
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I thought about playing in the NHL. But then I'd have no time to spend with my wife and kids. And I really want a wife and kids.
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Pam: We don't recycle. Michael: We don’t? Then why have I been separating the trash into whites and colors?
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Death to Toby.
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My mom once told me something that made me feel a lot better. She said the third wheel is what makes it a tricycle.
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