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Tomorrow's Times retweeted
Jan 11
Did you know?
Early in her travels, Mel Bush was famous for her binging of carrots. In situations when regular people would only eat a couple, Bush did 9/11.
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A tribunal into Alaistar Lethbridge-Stewart's supposedly genocidal actions in Wembley Moor has decided he's not guilty after it was found that one (1) Silurian survived.
“He didn't kill them all so he clearly isn't guilty.”
The Third Doctor is in hysterics right now.
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The Cyber Controller is in talks with the Shadow Proclamation to abolish America
“It is illogical,” he told the Daily Star, “and therefore irrelevant.”
Donald Trump has yet to comment.
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Jan 14
Michael Grade has announced he's carpet-bombed Scotland
“The fuckers wouldn't let me stop them putting David Tennant on Doctor Who one more time so I wouldn't let them live, eat shit haggis-lovers.”
He has been arrested.
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Jan 11
John and Gillian Who have been brutally murdered in a drive-by shooting while attempting to return home to Plymouth
Neither made it to their 12th birthday
Nobody turned up to the funeral because they had better things to do and nobody actually liked them.
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Jan 10
The Fourth Doctor has murdered three dogs on his way to the train
“And I'll do it again,” he told reporters while deep throating 500 jelly babies
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🚨 BREAKING NEWS ⚠️
The Daleks have exterminated "mavity".
You are legally forbidden from saying it.
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The Fifteenth Doctor is alive and well and chilling in a universe you're not allowed to see
cry about it
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#OTD in 1385, the Second Doctor invented racism
His punishment is eternal entrapment in The Tube™.
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Sil invested all his money in Cryptocurrency and has now lost everything after the NFTs he backed turned out to be a scam
“I WILL FUCKING DESTROY THIS AGENT OF AMORB WITH MY FIVE INCH TAIL I SWEAR TO GOD” he told his Twitter followers
Amorb was not involved.
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Dodo Chaplet has started a nuclear civil war in the Philippines because she was bored and thought it would be funny
“I had one Guinness too much and three Red Bulls, can you blame me?” she said as she was being arrested for breaking the Geneva Convention
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Morris has murdered 16,000 people in Czechia because he didn't get his morning coffee until after 12pm.
He is currently on the run from Interpol detectives.
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🚨 BREAKING NEWS ⚠️
Doctor Who is standing on a fucking Roomba
What are you doing, you plonker, lift your fucking foot
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From all the editorial staff of Tomorrow's Times (all two of us), a happy new year to all of you at home!
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25 Dec 2025
🚨 BREAKING NEWS ⚠️
Davros' streaming career has gotten off on the wrong foot
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