Rutgers grad. I make things go boom for a living. Taking life one adventure at a time.
Joined January 2011
- Tweets 19,079
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31 Mar 2020
If you're gonna show up in my mentions, at least have a cognitive argument.
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Jun 13
So which news orgs tomorrow will have the guts to actually call out UFC250 for what it is, a birthday party the POTUS threw for himself, instead of pretending it's an actual credible 250th celebration
If it's a "gift to the nation"... can we return it for store credit
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Brando retweeted
Jun 11
OPEN WIDE FOR SOME SOCCER!!!!⚽️
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Jun 6
Then: A fascist regime used their military might to invade and occupy another sovereign country
Now: immigrants coming to country in search of a better life
Ole Whiskey Dick: these are exactly the same thing.
Congrats on continuing to make us less and less respected 🫡
Pete Hegseth warned that Europe faces what he called an invasion of dangerous ideologies arriving by sea, linking immigration to the legacy of the D-Day landings in remarks in Normandy reut.rs/4vshHKD
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May 29
The amount of ball gargling this administration does of POTUS on a daily basis would put a 18th century brothel to shame.
The Treasury Department is preparing to print $250 bills with President Trump’s face on them and is just waiting for Congress’ green light, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent says. nbcnews.com/politics/trump-a…
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May 28
May 28
Corporate America enters its AI reckoning phase as IT bills keep rising and consumer sentiment nosedives.
My latest, which includes an account from a CFO fretting over a half a *billion* dollar accidental AI bill: axios.com/2026/05/28/ai-spen…
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Mar 31
But I was told the President has a magical "make gas cheap" button on their desk that Democrats just refused to use...
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May 23
Hey DOGE I found some real government waste.
Boggles my mind anyone could argue the legality of this. Absolute blatant corruption
May 18
BREAKING: The Trump administration announces a $1.7 billion fund to compensate prosecuted allies after dropping a lawsuit against the IRS. apnews.com/article/trump-law…
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May 22
Hell of a run @StephenAtHome @colbertlateshow, the world is worse off without you on the air. The last show was everything it should be, a celebration of an extraordinary legacy of The Late Show.
PS: eat shit CBS 😊
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May 14
Just remove the title from the program and play it anyway. These fucknuts wouldn't know the difference.
NEW TONIGHT: The Watertown United School District Board of Education voted almost unanimously to disallow its band’s wind ensemble from performing Mother of a Revolution, a world-renowned composition by Omar Thomas. channel3000.com/news/waterto…
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May 6
I found that "weaponization of the government" Republicans are obsessed with finding
May 6
MS NOW Exclusive:
The FBI has launched a criminal leak investigation focusing on Atlantic magazine journalist Sarah Fitzpatrick, who wrote that deeply unflattering account of Kash Patel's work habits.
There is deep concern about this approach among some of the FBI agents. ms.now/news/fbi-investigatin…
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Apr 28
Solving a nonexistant problem with a solution no one asked for!
Apr 28
Sources: The NCAA has initiated the final steps to expand the men’s and women’s NCAA basketball tournaments to 76 teams. The expansion is on track to be formalized in the upcoming weeks, with mid-May as the target. The 76-team tournaments begin next year. espn.com/mens-college-basket…
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Apr 28
"Comedy is legal now"
NEW: FCC to direct eight Disney-owned TV stations to file early license renewals, a source says, adding that the "unprecedented" action was directly tied to ABC late-night host Jimmy Kimmel's recent joke about first lady Melania Trump. nbcnews.com/news/us-news/fcc…
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Apr 27
I love fake outrage, tying an old joke to a current event. Must be exhausting constantly twisting yourself into pretzels #snowflakes
White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt said Jimmy Kimmel ‘disgustingly called first lady Melania Trump an expectant widow,’ during a monologue prior to the weekend shooting incident. Melania Trump called on ABC to ‘take a stand’ against Kimmel reut.rs/4cOFNYy
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Apr 26
The absolute lack of spacial and situational awareness of people once they enter Costco, especially on weekends, needs to be studied in a lab.
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Apr 13
Ignoring the fact you'd have to be absolutely fucking stupid to believe that's the truth...
...the explanation of the "truth" only makes it worse. The man's brain is mashed potatoes
Reporter: Did you post that picture of yourself depicted as Jesus Christ?
Trump: It wasn't a depiction. I did post it and I thought it was me as a doctor. And had to do with red cross as a red cross worker, which we support and only the fake news could come up with that one.
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Apr 13
Ah yes, the thing Americans worry about most in life is the Pope's views* on crime in America and Iranian nuclear capability.
*views that our POTUS is just assuming (??) he has
#stablegenius
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