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Joined May 2015
- Tweets 23
- Following 64
- Followers 9,632
- Likes 26
Photos and videos
11 Sep 2024
Nickelodeon should do a stream for the presidential debates like they do for the NFL. If Iām gonna follow along, I need SpongeBob & Patrick to explain to me what a Two-State solution is
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5 Jan 2024
My wife keeps losing her wedding ring at the bar lol! Sheād lose her damn head if it wasnāt screwed on š¤£š¤£š¤£
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26 Sep 2023
Business Idea: A bar of soap thatās 7x bigger than a normal bar so you only have to wash your hands once a week
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24 Jun 2023
Just executed a flawless Clog & Jog
(Clog toilet -> demand a different hotel room)
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William Angus retweeted
23 Mar 2023
He scrolled too deep...
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26 Feb 2023
My email with my full name that Iāve had since 13 is unusable. It is a rotting carcass filled with maggots. 100 emails a day about god knows what. Someone from Iran logs into it once a week and changes the password. Itās time to pull the plug
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17 Feb 2023
Iām gonna be the uncle that asks to hold the new born baby and they say āuhhh sheās actually really tired right nowā
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16 Feb 2023
Cops in horror movies are useless
Woman: please officer help
Cop: itās probably just old pipes in your house maāam
Woman: my daughter was skinned alive in her room
Cop: probably a draft from the open window. Maāam, donāt call again unless youāre in real danger
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William Angus retweeted
15 Feb 2023
Last night was legitimately insane.
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10 Feb 2023
To the people that think itās āhilariousā to piss and poop all over the toilet seats at the bar: guys like me have to wipe up with our bare hands and rub it on our tummies. Grow up.
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William Angus retweeted
31 Jan 2023
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14 Jan 2023
Oh I was a āburden to my family,ā huh?
Ok hot shot, then why did my parents say if it wasnāt for me they wouldāve gotten divorced way sooner?
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6 Jan 2023
Had to rush my dog to the vet this morning.
I donāt know whatās wrong with her but her poop tastes really weird
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William Angus retweeted
30 Nov 2022
Every USA fan whoās never watched soccer before #USMNT
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William Angus retweeted
22 Nov 2022
Couple bad bounces away from going D1ā¦
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William Angus retweeted
12 Nov 2021
Best dressed guys at the breedersā cup @LiamCullagh @will_holgate
š£ "It was a surreal moment."
A mixture of emotions for Charlie Appleby following an extraordinary G1 @BreedersCup Juvenile Turf
A 3ļøā£rd win in the race for the @godolphin trainer following Modern Games' impressive victory š¬š§
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