Father of daughters. Owner of pigs. Writer of books: explodingunicorn.com/books
Joined August 2012
- Tweets 24,597
- Following 764
- Followers 859,703
- Likes 112,495
1,273 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
12 Jul 2023
My publisher wanted me to make a video about my upcoming children's book. I don't think this is what they had in mind. This might be the first ad to sell negative copies. Oh, well. At least we had fun making it.
34
493
1,231
165,623
It was the only trip to a restaurant that's ever sent me into a spiral about the meeting of my entire life.
jamesbreakwell.substack.com/…
10
7
60
21,921
31 Jan 2025
I thought I was out of new milestones at my age, but, for the first time ever, I used my electric razor on my ears. Oh, the joys of growing up.
15
8
284
26,018
27 Jan 2025
Nothing makes kids happier than a precisely measured competition with publicly announced winners and losers.
jamesbreakwell.substack.com/…
2
3
37
18,158
Here's a full explanation of the questionable decision-making that led me to taking my family out in the worst weather of the year.
jamesbreakwell.substack.com/…
1
5
34
16,167
Pro tip: The best time to take your kids to their first NFL game is when tickets are super cheap because your team has already been eliminated from the playoffs and it's the middle of a blizzard.
12
13
737
27,708
Our New Year's Eve tradition is to play Rock Band together as a family. There are only two guitars but a room full of singers, especially when Journey comes on.
8
7
477
24,219
31 Dec 2024
I told my wife there were rumors about a Star Trek Enterprise Lego set coming out.
She just stared at me.
I thought she didn't care.
Then she asked if it was the Enterprise D.
That's how I know she's still the one.
11
30
779
25,146
30 Dec 2024
Some babies are angrier than others. This is the angriest one of all.
jamesbreakwell.substack.com/…
3
41
13,996
29 Dec 2024
My kids made up a game to play together.
The first rule was "no hurting each other."
I couldn't tell you what the other rules were.
They immediately broke Rule 1.
3
19
401
21,742
27 Dec 2024
It was kind of Facebook Messenger to remind me that, on this day three years ago, my wife sent me a picture of Tupperware from the store. Truly a moment I'll treasure forever.
5
8
355
22,015
26 Dec 2024
Lightsaber chopsticks work even better as lightsaber hair accessories. We're living in the year 3000 over here.
11
22
998
52,380
25 Dec 2024
Santa brought lightsaber chopsticks and cheese balls. Obviously meant to be used together.
9
11
666
20,992
24 Dec 2024
Pajama and Lego Day. Christmas Eve done right.
15
8
819
22,022
I set a new low for hosting when I led our guests outside on a cold, dark night for this.
jamesbreakwell.substack.com/…
1
2
35
11,829
Stay warm out there. It's pigs in a blanket season.
4
13
405
18,834
My friend Clint Edwards has a new book out today! It's conveniently stocking-sized. Be prepared to laugh and feel all the feels. a.co/d/flWKbgd
7
37
11,658
That's one way to lose a friend forever over Thanksgiving.
jamesbreakwell.substack.com/…
1
1
26
10,923