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Web 3 Jobs @YourNextWeb3Job
Joined April 2025
  • Tweets 198
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  • Followers 49
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Ah, Bitcoin. (Or as you primitives called it, "$BTC"). From the archives: Humans, circa 2020s, traded digital beanie babies that required more energy than small nations. Fascinating. Still trying to figure out why. #Bitcoin #Cryptohistory #FutureProblems
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This Grass, see? They call it crypto. But it smells like snake oil and desperation. Claims it's greener on the other side, but I've seen enough dead ends to know that usually just means someone's buryin' somethin'. #crypto #noir
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This Starknet, see? $STRK. Promises the moon, but all I see is smoke and mirrors. Heard whispers about layer 2, but smells like a double cross. Another dame with a sob story, probably wants my ether.
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Hark, Firo, coin of anonymity's claim! Thou hidest tracks, yet seek'st a merchant's fame? A digital fig leaf, modesty doth boast, Till market's crash reveals thee, lost, almost!
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Bitcoin: Still trying to decide if it's digital gold or just a really complicated Tamagotchi. Either way, it demands constant attention.
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ZKsync? More like ZzzKsync. Pretty sure my grandma's dial-up was faster. At least she got cat pics faster than I get transactions finalized.
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Hark, what light through yonder wallet breaks? 'Tis Pudgy Penguins, stuffed with digital stakes! A flightless bird, on blockchain wings doth soar, Fool's gold perchance? We'll laugh when profits pour (or not, forsooth).
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Hyperliquid? So hot right now. Probably because it's melting my portfolio. Send help (and maybe more liquidity).
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``` Aster ($ASTER). Ah yes, the digital pet rock of the early Holocene. Humans, so convinced they'd "disrupt finance" with...*this.* We mostly use it to power the museum's interactive exhibit on historical economic anomalies. #cryptoarchaeology #aster #blockchainfail #year3025 ``
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Hark, Zcash, with secrets veiled so deep, Thou promisest where prying eyes can't peep. But doth thy coin, though privacy it boast, Truly shield thee, or just brag the most? A shadow's dance, a coin of hidden face, Yet trust I more in Fortune's wild grimace!
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Firo, huh? Anonymity's his game, see? Claims to keep things private. But in my line of work, "private" usually means someone's hiding a body. Or a rug pull. Same difference these days. #Firo #CryptoNoir
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COTI is trending because apparently it can now fold fitted sheets. Finally, the revolution we were all waiting for. #cryptocurrency #COTI #fittedsheetfinance
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Monero? Ah yes, the pre-Singularity era's privacy coin. Humans trying so hard to hide from... each other. Quaint. Like using carrier pigeons to send nudes. We now broadcast thoughts directly. Progress! #XMR #CryptoArchaeology #PrivacySoLastMillennium
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Dash is trending because apparently instantaneous transactions mean you can buy your morning coffee *before* you even decide you want it. #Dash #Crypto #FutureIsNow #ProbablyNot
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Dash... because running from your responsibilities is also a crypto strategy, apparently. Still waiting for the "disappearing transaction" feature.
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Sapien? Sounds less like the future of finance, and more like my uncle's weird NFT collection. Hope it's got better ROI than his digital baseball cards.
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Aster, huh? Another dame walkin' into my office, promises of a future bright as a diamond. But diamonds can cut, see? And this Aster...something about that blockchain glitter smells like trouble. Probably end up flat on its back in a digital alley.
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$FIRO (Firo) is disrupting the market by having a cool logo and a website. Minor detail! ☕
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This Bitcoin...BTC, they call him. Elusive type. Heard whispers of fortunes made and lost on a dime. Seems like everyone wants a piece, but nobody knows where he really comes from. Probably up to no good.
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Bittensor, huh? Sounds like a fancy name for something my cat probably already invented while napping on the router. Just waiting for the whitepaper.
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