I stay detached from everyone.
Joined July 2025
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348 Photos and videos
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This elderly lady in the public restroom took a paper towel and started to wipe the entire counter and handles and faucet down while I was waiting. I said she didn’t need to do that for me. She turned around and said “if we all just put in a little effort to make things a little better than how we found it, the world would better a place” and so now I always wipe down counters 😭
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Today we were with mom just relaxing. Then someone called her phone. It was a new number. She received the phone and the first thing the caller said is, "I have all your passwords. ALL OF THEM!" Mom didn't panick. "Hold on a minute," she said as she reached for a pen and a piece of paper. "Thank God you have them. Just tell me each of them I'll write so I don't forget again." The guy just hang up. Its been 30 minutes and I'm still laughing
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ꪝe retweeted
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when she asks if she can come over, but you’re 20 & still live with your dad:
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do u ever get so emotionally invested in someone that their mood starts affecting urs? does this have a name?
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Instead of explaining, I rather just surround myself with ppl who understand...fuck around run out of breath talkin to dummies all day.
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Husband: What was in that package on the porch?
Me: A purse shaped like a tin of fish.
Husband: A what- wait, why?
Me: JOY. Do you want to see how happy it makes me?
Reader, my gem of a husband smiled radiantly as he watched me re-enact the opening of the package and giggle as I paraded around the kitchen with my new fish purse, then he said we should go out to dinner so I have somewhere to take it. I have won the life partner lottery.
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Today at work a bunch of us were in the break room laughing and joking.
One of my white coworkers tells a HILARIOUS story and everyone starts cracking up.
In the midst of the laughter my black coworker shouts:
“I KNOW you fucking lying!!” and the uproarious laughter continues. However the original coworkers face turns dark and she looks back and says, “IM NOT LYING! I’m very serious”
She genuinely seemed offended.
I said, “whoa whoa whoa! It’s just an expression that means we think what you said is outrageous, and funny. She’s not actually calling you a liar hun.”
Coworker 1 instantly brightens back up coworker 2 explodes into even harder laughter and we all go back to hootin and hollering gleefully in the break room.
Crisis averted...
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But companies pay attention to this… THATS why it’s important to have black people in staff rooms and in board rooms folks. For cultural exchanges like this.
Now everyone has learned something. And now the story is even funnier.
Idioms are culture and language is living and caring for people is made better when you can speak their language.
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I maintain that the best summation of my feminist beliefs are that men and women are not fundamentally different. There are a few quantifiable differences if you average out every woman and every man, but they are not qualitative. And most of them are socially constructed, and would be fixed if we started treating men and women the same. Neither is inherently smarter, neither is inherently kinder, neither is inherently more stoic or stronger or angrier or softer.
Everyone is obsessed with the differences between women and men, with finding them and creating them and distancing themselves from the "other half". It's fucked up..
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I just lost my shit at a lady from a patio company.
She asked me if my husband would be present for the quote.
I told her I had my husband's *permission*, if that's what she was worried about.
She said it's for "financial purposes," since "it's a large purchase".
I told her my husband doesn't give two shits about patios, so since he was needed, I'd better cancel.
I earn nearly three times what my husband does, but that's totally irrelevant. I didn't need him to hire a sparky, a snagger, a painter decorator for two weeks, or even a flooring company FOR THE WHOLE HOUSE.
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I thought my blind date was the biggest jerk alive.
He barely looked at me. Checked his phone constantly. Gave one-word answers.
By the end of dinner, I was already planning the "nice meeting you, but..." text.
Then he called.
His dad had collapsed and was in the ICU.
The entire night, he was texting family and doctors while trying not to make our first date about his crisis.
I almost wrote him off because I thought I knew his story.
We got married last summer.
Reminder: You never know what someone is carrying.
Sometimes the worst first impression becomes the best chapter of your life.
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This morning, at 12:00, I was abruptly woken by the sound of a large crash. I immediately sat up and yelled at my husband “what the hell was that?!”
He was getting up from the floor… from falling out of bed. And his only response was in a confused voice “I don’t know. I was parachuting. I crashed.”
You guys. I have remembered this a dozen times today and every single time it cracks me up.
(He’s fine. I told him before I fell back asleep that I’d be sure to roast him about this in the morning. He also thinks it’s hilarious)
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A guy came into my restaurant and found out his table would be about 12 minutes late. He completely lost it. Started yelling at my 18-year-old host, calling her useless while she stood there apologizing and trying not to cry.
I walked over expecting to calm things down. Instead, I canceled his reservation and told him to leave.
He immediately started talking about how much money he spends here.
I told him, “My staff’s dignity is worth more than your money.”
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This girl on TikTok said...
I work at Zara, and today at the register there was this moment that really hit me right in the feels. I'm ringing up this woman's order (almost $9,000). I ask politely: "How would you like to pay? Card, cash, Venmo?" And she, without missing a beat, goes: "With my husband. Babe, come here." And her husband walked over. Didn't even ask how much it was, just tapped his card on the terminal. I'm standing there smiling... thinking: I wish everyone had a "babe" like that 🥹
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