Husband, father, real estate industry lover, Seahawks fan, hack golfer, kind of a big deal, delusional.
Joined January 2008
- Tweets 3,983
- Following 1,884
- Followers 3,072
- Likes 236
204 Photos and videos
16 May 2024
Shoutout to @AlaskaAir and Rebecca at SNA who helped me get an earlier flight home today. Give this lady a raise!
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20 Jun 2021
My kid is constantly forcing me to expand my thinking. Today he said “stop it but don’t stop it” while we were playing on the playground. I don’t know what to do….
4 Apr 2021
My wife has convinced our boys the Easter bunny won’t come to a messy house. Voila. Spotless. (Same routine for Santa at Christmas) #mommagic
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3 Apr 2021
How is it that my wife can fill up an empty garbage can 3/4 of the way in the same time it takes me to take the last full bag out? #superpower
23 Apr 2020
Generosity Russian Roulette: lady in front of me pays for my Starbucks. I offer to pay for the person behind me without looking in rearview mirror then immediately thinking to self “please don’t be a van full of 10” as I sneak a peek
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14 Apr 2020
My son’s 4th birthday was yesterday. Today, I have already been uninvited from his 5th birthday party. #winning
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25 Dec 2018
Can you settle a bet @ScottiePippen did you ever have just a mustache like on this Christmas ornament on our tree? #merrychristmas
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15 Dec 2018
It’s 2018 @Costco and you don’t carry any women’s basketballs? You can do better #likeagirl There are 140 men’s balls left. Guess our boys will be covered....
30 Nov 2018
#fatherhood is being civilized and using the toilet while your savage 1 year old just craps in the bathtub
15 Aug 2018
Hey @AlaskaAir please tell Holly in Austin she is awesome! Appreciate her help today #andgiveheraraise
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RT for a chance to win an Xbox One X console inspired by the #AirJordan III. NoPurchNec. Ends 02/21/18. #Sweepstakes rules: xbx.lv/2CpRp0E
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11 Nov 2017
I love @TacoTimeNW But every time I stop by in Kenmore they forget something in my order. Every. Freaking. Time. #sorrykidnomexifries
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30 Oct 2017
Why can't @dominos perfect the process of cutting the pizza? I shouldn't have to rip my pizza apart. Every. Time. #figureitout
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17 May 2017
Me packing the last week: "where's the sharpie?" "Where's the tape?" Repeat. 5000 times. #theyhavelegs
13 Apr 2017
Closest I'll ever get to being a ninja. Changed Chase's diaper standing up in an airplane bathroom #daddyskills
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25 Mar 2017
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9 Mar 2017
It was all a dream.... x.com/vibetickets/status/839…
9 Mar 2017
17 year old Christopher Wallace, aka The Notorious B.I.G, freestyling on the streets of Bed Stuy, Brooklyn, 1989. Incredible.
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5 Mar 2017
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