#FootieFoods El Crêpe Junior

#FootieFoods Chicken Tikka Mo Salah

Teen daughter had sex education today where all pupils put a condom on a dildo. One of the girls asked: ‘Why do girls need to learn this?’ And the teacher said: ‘Well, in case the man doesn’t know how to do it.’ Apparently my daughter then said: ‘Why the hell would we be with a man who doesn’t know how to put a condom on?’ I could not be more proud. 😂😂😂

😂🤣😂🤣

I am just back from the Oval and I regret to inform you that London has in fact fallen. More Arsenal shirts than Surrey shirts. Forget about Palace or Charlton. Arsenal fans everywhere in South London. Yesterday I was in East London at my parents - their local pub had more Arsenal fans in it than West Ham fans for the Conference League 3 years ago. Lots more. Not even close. The "London FC" people are right. I don't like it, but they're right. And given the way that London tends to eat the world, don't get smug if you're outside of London. If we have half a decade of Arsenal dominance, by the end of it they'll have taken over Liverpool and Manchester too and the economy will be one giant Arsenal merch store with a few farms and data centres tacked on. Foreign leaders will grant profitable trade and visa deals in return for being allowed exclusive pre-access to the new Declan Rice hologram experience in the Emirates Museum.

I grew up in the 70s & 80s when my dad's generation could make a living by honest, hard work. Now we have politicians of all color telling us our kids are barely even employable! No need to be a communist or anarchist to realise the system stinks. theguardian.com/politics/liv…

If you've ever been to a zoo I can guarantee zookeepers have shagged in every single building you walk in. I've had sex in the reptile house, and orangutan habitat among others. My mate first slept with her husband in the exotic bird walkthrough. We're worse than the animals.

‘We are unbearable…’ 🤣🤣

You can prove anything with statistics... Number of Premier League titles won in the last 7 days: Arsenal - 1 Man Utd - 0 Liverpool - 0 Aston Villa - 0 Chelsea - 0 Sp*rs - 😂 Man city - 🙈 See?

I've met some Arsenal fans who are a pain in the arse, but this guy makes them look like angels 😁

North London Forever

I am going to be INSUFFERABLE for MONTHS

❤️🤍 Arsenal fans celebrate at Emirates Stadium.

A special shout out to Jamie O’Hara, Shay Given, Peter Schmeichel, Joe Hart, Gabby Agbonlahor, Chris Sutton, Gary Neville, that midget Rory div, and the dozens of others I’ve forgotten - all of whom have been doing their absolute bollocks the past few months, willing and praying hard for Man City to win the league. Get fucked, all of you. WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS.

This belongs to all of us.

What do you think @justified_jamms? Err... You know...

There is a part of Arsenal's fanbase who are entitled knobs and I don't like it... But if we win the league, after the horrific slatings from pundits after the West Ham game, I promise to become an insufferable knob too just to spite them 🍻🍻

Impeded? Yes Hydrated? Also yes

You boy... Get down the station and buy me every seat from here to timbuktoo, in case Sarah Vine needs to travel.