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Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist

Baptist. Minister. Christ follower. Stuff I'd like to say if wealthy, but I have a need for mammon. Truth mixed with parody. Trolling Twitter since Aug 2012.

Joined August 2012
  • Tweets 4,459
  • Following 199
  • Followers 6,119
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Anonymous Baptist@anonbaptist
4 Dec 2016
I sure am glad the SBC used "Christmas" & not "Advent" in naming the Lottie Moon Christmas Offering. LMCO is such a better abbreviation.
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The Twitter tells me this is my 6th anniversary — that’s like 72 in Twitteryears — which is a good time to announce my retirement. When the joy is gone, it’s time to move on. Good night & God bless!
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Anonymous Baptist retweeted
Anon Church Guy@MrChurchGuy
3 Aug 2018
Good teachers are like teeth. If you don't take care of them they get replaced with false ones.
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You can always tell which church van the middle school boys rode to camp. It still smells like teen spirit, and that gets on my last nerve-ana.
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Still confused as to how these guys attempted to influence the presidential election. #russiantrolls
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Today for me has been: 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, . . . That’s right, I just can’t even.
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Watch for my upcoming Netflix reality show, “Preachers in Parsonages Getting Pink Slips.”
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Working on my first book, “From Flannel Boards to Fog Machines: Fifty Years of Baptist Summer Camps, 1968-2018”
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After hearing the youth guy’s message today, I’d like to offer a modification to the Multiplicative Property of Zero for sermons: Zero x 30 minutes is still zero.
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Surprised to see so many Pentecostal soccer players in the World Cup. #slaininthespirit #flopping
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We got the coffee ground and got some tea on ice and all my nerdy friends are comin’ over tonight. #happy4th
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We Baptists scoff at our Catholic friends who pray to Mary, the “thetokos” (mother of God) - but around July 4, many of us practically elevate Lady Liberty to that same status.
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Nothing like a little EISegesis in this morning's sermon to cool you off this hot July day. Let's learn how patriotism equals godliness. #EisEisBaby
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It’s not quite the abomination of desolation, but the Hogs got slaughtered on the diamond tonight.
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A pitcher watching a bunch of relief pitchers running to the bullpen to warmup is like a pastor watching the deacons assemble a search committee during a sermon. #shorttimer #CWSFinals
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Did you miss Pence’s speech at #sbcam2018? No worries, you can see it on jesuswasrepublican.com. #MakeSBCGreatAgain

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‘Tis the yeear for Greear. #sbc18
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Me: The events over the past year have made it embarrassing to be labeled white, male, and Republican. At least Baptists still have a good name. Paige: Hold my sweet tea.
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Looks like SWBTS won’t be hearing the pitter-Patterson of little feet anymore.
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Here I am On the road again There I am Up on the stage Here I go Playing the star again There I go Turn the Paige
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Reminder: Don't count on a past win to guarantee your future success; keep striving to do better. In other words, don't rest on your yannis.
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