Joined April 2009
- Tweets 2,830
- Following 364
- Followers 3,684
- Likes 3,371
61 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
4 Jan 2017
It doesn't matter how many times you fall down what matters is how many times you get up. I fell down twice but got up 6 times. I am hero.
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27 Mar 2021
Hello bird friends. Long time no tweet.
Show for Melbourne! Only one night! Get in!
trybooking.com/BQCZR
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11 Nov 2019
I leave my Fitbit at home a lot. Just to see how well it tracks existential crisis.
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13 Aug 2019
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8 Aug 2019
Scotland are you weak or is this cafe just taking the piss? I went to The Holyrood on Cowgate got a bacon roll for £3 and got this. The saddest roll in the world. #EdFringe19 #Scotland #weak
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5 Aug 2019
The show so full of jokes some are calling it Intenso! Get in! It's a bloody cracker.
#edfringe #edfringe2019 #intenso
tinyurl.com/y3vfrse3
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31 Jul 2019
True fitness is a long arduous task of commitment and sacrifice. Getting lean takes focus. Food is fuel and medicine. Luckily I'm a world class expert dietitian and life coach. Here's a completely organic meal to get me through @edfringe
Get along!!
tinyurl.com/y3vfrse3
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29 Jul 2019
A harpoon is just a sweet keep spear. If it wasn't for these the oceans would be almost full of spears.
29 Jul 2019
Catching an Uber black to the bus stop encapsulates how most of us are living.
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29 Jul 2019
London is mostly rats and pigeons. Humans are just the garnish.
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25 Jul 2019
ONE WEEK!
#EdFringe2019 #edfringe #foodjokes #biscuits #nomnomnom #tasty #friends #creation #sorrynotsorry #swans #bookslam #foods #hagglejaggle #swordlord #corns #echo #badger #scotland #hamandcheeseplease #pingers #dinotears @Justthetonic
@edfringe
tinyurl.com/y3vfrse3
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21 Jul 2019
Change rooms in department stores promise you'll come out different. You're just trying on pants you look crap in. They're private self loathing chambers at best.
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11 Jul 2019
Hooray for World Fringe Day! So excited to be doing my first @edfringe with an hour of stand up all about food!! tinyurl.com/y3vfrse3
@WorldFringeDay
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10 Jul 2019
Business idea. A chemist but everything is mixed into a giant tub. You can just go in a get a ladel and fill up a bucket with some all in one master ointment and you're sorted for the month.
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10 Jul 2019
Leaf blower on a windy day. Pointless or just joining in with the weather.
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7 Jul 2019
If you want to be a despot but at the countries have been taken just go to a cafe and add bacon to a perfectly wonderful vegetarian meal.
Rule with a meaty fist!
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6 Jul 2019
Whoever is running the salad industry is robbing us blind. Expensive, unsatisfying and generally sad. Ten dollars for a bowl of lettuce should be illegal.
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