REAL LIFE VAMPIRES "... I was fledging back and forth between horrible feelings of being susceptible and weak by being seduced so powerfully, and having much anger at this feeling of being used just for energy.   I was having psychic battles, telepathically with this sociopathic, multiple-personality freak of a spirit whom I knew was also somewhere in living in a body and most likely the facilitator of that workshop I attended in October." @elonmusk @AdrianDittmann clareisclear.wordpress.com/2…

How To Take Your Life Back (for survivors of psycological abuse) Journal with this guide, using these prompts.  Then review this daily until completely habituated and known in the depths of your Soul. A). Review and analyze all relationships (3 types below) Be vigilant knowing the differences.  Make a list of everyone you interact with and categorize them.  Continue adding and keeping track of relationships. 1.) Mico-relationships/Casual Relationships (minimize your energy and resources on them). These are casual types of interactions, and often include most family members, colleagues, people you work with, roommates, neighbors, networks, and modern dates (aka glorified hook-ups). Those relationships rarely lead anywhere, they are not helpful, destruct you, and divert you from real tasks.  When energy, time and resources are wasted on them they lead to depression, substance abuse, casual dating and even heart-break (29% of these when dating are reported violations). In your journal, make a list of past, and current people who fit the above. 2.) Intimate Relationships (to have this it requires these 3 things): To be able to be vulnerable with.  To be willing to accept hurt and pain (in fact this is an integral part of). Accept, embrace, learn from each other and the ability to build upon. Having goals with each other.  Actual plans (not living in fantasy). Real common goals, and implementing practical steps towards them. Realistic perception of the person: including strengths and weaknesses, their capabilities, trust-worthiness, and reliability (don’t idealize them!!). List past, and current people who fit this (in your journal): 3.) Pseudo Relationships: These are about shared fantasies - unrealistic dreams and goals, and idealization.  Absolutely end these!!  They end in heartbreak and in loss of autonomy! List past and current people who fit those (hopefully none anymore, -don’t let them in!!). B).  Have Boundaries: Boundaries are critical to all relationships (including a happy couple). Never fuse, never become one, keep and maintain boundaries, and separateness.  Bringing the differences into the common area to enjoy diversity and the differences.  Bring each other's idiosyncrasies into it (not eliminating them). Maintain separate interests, and separate friends.  Maintain individuality. Autonomy, agency, self-efficacy.  Separate life pursuits.  (Don’t be fooled by them mirroring you and don’t mirror them to appease or be accepted!!). Make a list of where you’ve errored on this and what happened negatively because of it. Where are you still doing this. C). Do not be dependent on your partner or others: Do not outsource the regulation of your moods, your emotions, or your ego functions.  Keep this inner territory as sacred ground. This is critical. These internal processes taking place are not subject to public scrutiny or the intrusion or invasion anyone including of your partner. (-you can’t do it if you are a victim). List the ways in which you have been dependent on others in your past.  List the ways in which you are dependent on others now and make a decision to release those behaviors above including thought behaviors. D).  You are the sum of your choices and decisions. They define you, for good and for life.  There is no going back in time.  Your present shapes your future.  There is never, ever a second chance regarding the past, as the past has happened.  You bear full responsibility to yourself for the foreseeable outcomes of the next informed choices and decisions.  Therefore, be willing to really analyze what happened so that you can step forward from your hard earned lessons and reap new and fresh (better) fruit. If you ended up in a bad spot, somehow abused, and/or misused, and/or mistreated.  Ask: What was my contribution to my past behavior?  How should I make sure this never happens again?  Write it down: What happened “the story” How did it impact me How can I make sure it never happens again in an adult way, not a defensive childlike way of cutting off love entirely (for example). E.) Past behavior is the best prediction of the future.  You will relapse into yourself.  It is just a matter of time and the right circumstances for it to happen again.  Don’t ask people to change. They will not and you will not.  Be realistic. Eyes wide open (not wide shut). Make a clear-eyed Know yourself list your needs your weaknesses your priorities your preferences your limitations your red-hot buttons your soft-spots your vulnerabilities and your chinks in the armor (this is your achilles heel or how you can get taken down, fall or be susceptible to manipulation abuse etc.) F.)  Do not idealize yourself.  Once you know who you really are you will have the power to apply this way of perceiving in truth, however painful to yourself, your partner and the people around you.  Then the sooner you can find solace in actual reality and focus on what matters.  It is painful.  But to be truly empowered, you must.  They are not going to change and you are not going to change.  People's general-character never changes.  There may be periods, even long periods of something other because of what happened, but core features of behavior, core features of your identity, and core moods reoccur.  Look at your past, both good and bad, as it will occur again. The others' pasts will reoccur again too.  Don't believe any of the false-hype out there. G.)  Hard reality - you must shift towards this: The world couldn’t care less about you.  Not in a bad way, but because that is just life.  Everyone is busy doing their own thing as they should be and under their own pressures, responsibilities, desires and needs.  Are you really helping the people starving in Africa that you feel so bad for?  No, -and almost no one else is either.  Not because they don’t have a hope for a better world for others too, but because this is life. H.) Be empowered. You are on your own. You are the one in charge of your life. So pause and think before you act.  Never assume strangers are truly kind just because they speak so.  All are selfish and have their own motivations.  Are they all predators?  -better to assume so, proceed cautiously and then be surprised to find out differently.  If you make yourself prey or make yourself vulnerable in a bad way, there will be a predator around to take advantage.  You can not afford a cavalier attitude (the old way of being). Write down when you have been taken advantage of when you were unwilling to be more serious and recognize a situation for what it actually was. G.) USE THESE SEVEN AFFIRMATIONS to save yourself a lot of grief. (your mental and physical health depend on strictly observing these). Print and tape somewhere to be reminded and read, and visualize 3 times a day until they are how you naturally operate through life. 1.  I will treat myself with dignity and I will demand respect from other people. I will not allow anyone to disrespect me. 2.  I will set clear boundaries and make known to others what I regard as permissible and acceptable behavior and what is out-of-bounds. 3. I will not tolerate abuse and aggression in any form or guise.  I will seek to terminate such mis-conduct instantly and unequivocally. 4. I will be assertive and I will be unambiguous about my needs, my wishes and my expectations from others.  I will not be arrogant but I will be confident and firm.  I will not be selfish and narcissistic but I will love myself and I will take care of myself and I will not compromise myself. 5.  I will get to know myself alot better and all the time. 6.  I will treat other people as I want them to treat me.  I will try to lead by way of self-example but I will not be naive.  I will be vigilant and I will maintain my wellbeing. 7.  If I am habitually disrespected, abused or if my boundaries are ignored and bridged I will terminate the relationship with the abuser forthwith. Zero tolerance and no second chance will be my maxims of self-preservation from here on. Narccistic Dissorder abuse recovery: read at least three times daily until you no longer think it’s your fault, or that it’s about you, or that you did something wrong or that he/she could have acted differently. 1. It is not about me. It is not my fault. He/she lives inside his/her mind and reacts only to internal dynamics. He/she is out of touch with reality. 2. I was chosen by him/her because of his/her needs and fantasy - not because of WHO I am. 3. He/she was compelled to devalue and discard me in order to exorcise his/her inner “demons”.  I could have done nothing to prevent it and neither could he/she. Ponder ON LIFE AND ON HAPPINESS until this is solid in your soul Happiness comes naturally from the inside.  Never seek happiness outside.  The only thing you can get outside is gratification. Do not confuse Happiness with Gratification; they have nothing to do with each other. You could be the most gratified person on earth and not happy and you can be the happiest person on earth and be living in a barrel. Happiness is a slow steady and safe unfolding.  A becoming.  Not ephemeral, pyrotechnics of fireworks.  It doesn't just happen.  It never depends on anything external.  It cannot be bought, it cannot be sold.  Happiness is a state of mind not a state of affairs, so there's nothing you can do to your external environment that would affect your happiness.  Happiness is self love and self acceptance without grandiosity and narcissism. Without selfishness. Happiness flowers in the least expected moments.  Brings to life the moribond and refreshes the stale.  Happiness is being and nothingness at once. Nothing is more sad and lonely than having casual sex in order to feel less sad and lonely.  Nothing is more sad and lonely than gratifying yourself in a variety of haphazard ways, –so don’t. Nothing is more deceitful than brutal honesty.  It pretends to offer empathy in its core but it is mere camouflaged sadism. And nothing is more vainglorious than false modesty and pseudo humility.  Nothing is more hateful than the ineluctable expiry of love.  Nothing is more wrong than being right all the time. Nothing is faster than life, nothing is slower than dying. Nothing is more attractive than the self-sufficient, nothing is more repellent than the clinging and the needy. Nothing is more corrupt than conformity and nothing more noble than being oneself. Nothing is more dignified than honoring other people and nothing is more hopeful than what we already have.  Nothing is more blind then merely observing and nothing is more deaf than merely hearing but not listening.  Nothing is more present than the past.  Nothing less certain than the future.  No gift is greater than a smile and no harm is more worse to health and well being than rejection. No risk is grander and no reward more substantial than to live life to its fullest.  Only the craven and the foolish glorify death or suffering or asceticism as some form of bravery or wisdom or growth or development.  It is not.  Life is about shunning, and suppressing and fighting and eliminating and eradicating suffering. Reality is in our mind alone and what is out there is solely what we make of it. Love after Love A Poem by Derek Walcott The time will come when, with elation, you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other's welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread, Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life. Changing your INNER DIALOGUE: (from rigid) Two messages or main voices  (that are incorrect) cause anxiety, depression, emotional dysregulation.  While relative positioning transforms you it’s not good.  It pushes you more into addictions and the negative to become a creature of society.  This is a hive mind, populated by others voices. Incorrect voice #1: “Become someone” –this implies it is relative to others, not yourself. Social verdict. Society passes judgment. Distinguishable. Stand out, have a legacy, create something.  Leave something behind. Be memorable. Extreme and sick forms on social media. This comes from social control and expects conforming and performing.  Internalized.  Society invades your mind.  Under pressure to conform/collaborate with mass media and keep you in check. Journal about the above, where do you hear and operate under that voice? Incorrect voice #2 “Make something of your life”: …as if life is some kind of raw material or a passive object.  As if Michelangelo is releasing a statue from the marble (instead of creating it).  This is a narcissist notion.  To “make you someone” is setting you up for a lever society will judge.  To subject yourself to socialization in its insidious positioning.  It is demeaning and debasing as it reduces you to a commodity. Journal where do you hear and operate under voice #2? Exercise: Refine Your Life Write down everything that without it, you could never be happy and then use that to work towards refining your life: example list: (These few things are what I can’t live without) examples SUNSHINE FRESH AIR OUTDOORS WITH PRIVACY EVERY DAY/ camping sometimes at hot springs PURPOSE -with others, helping BEAUTIFUL, CLEAN, COMFORTABLE SHELTER WITH 👍PRIVACY👍 NICE KITCHEN, gas oven, love to be creative and bake FRESH QUALITY FOOD GOOD WINE One certain FAMILY MEMBER (name) AND two FRIENDS (names) Uplifting MUSIC PURPOSE: HELPING OTHERS/SEEING THEM HAPPIER list how: being generous with listening, being caring and empathic or teaching or nursing etc… DELICIOUS HEALTHY FRESH FOOD list any important specifics or details like: going blueberry picking or to making my own salads, sourdough breads etc.. BEING CREATIVE (list how) making clothes/fabric things, designing digital art, or in my mind visioning, imagination…etc Therefore these are the things that are in my life now that I CAN live without.  In other words, these are currently consuming my energy and my resources (example) and giving me purpose in error: My parents dog I’m taking care of My brother (who is a jerk) on some holidays and Friday nights with his wife My boring job with a toxic boss Book club, friends “only casual & some toxic” All the bad quality food in my house, alcohol etc.. XSpouse, Roommates The old rock music my roommate plays, and concerts with Watching sports with bf Make your own lists using the two examples above as a guide. Four pillars of self love Self-love is a healthy self-regard and the pursuit of one's happiness and favorable outcomes. It rests on four pillars: 1. Self-awareness: an intimate, detailed and compassionate knowledge of oneself, a SWOT analysis: strengths, weaknesses, others's roles, and threats. List your: S W O T Be on the lookout to add and update this list until you know yourself completely and intimately. 2. Self-acceptance: the unconditional embrace of one's core identity, personality, character, temperament, relationships, experiences, and life circumstances. Begin NOW being hyper-vigilant to being humble enough for real honest knowledge of every thought, action and have total acceptance of yourself. EMPATHS “adaptability” Finding purpose in appeasing others.  Finding safety in focus and concern for others instead of for yourself…etc. Begin a study of this and journal about each one leaving blank space/page to add to as you review regularly. My Core Identity My Personality My Character My Temperment My Relationships My Experiences My Life Circumstances 3. Self-trust: the conviction that one has one's best interests in mind, is watching one's back, and has agency and autonomy.  One is not controlled by or dependent upon others in a compromising fashion. Journal regarding past self betrayals, understand that the self was responding to complex trauma and begin to consider and look daily for ways to start to have full self-trust, deservedly so. Key—Write about what positive outcome you did get or were hoping to get from:  betraying yourself, giving up your autonomy, becoming dependent, adapting to another’s desires or needs, …etc… 4. Self-efficacy: the belief, gleaned from and honed by experience, that one is capable of setting rational, realistic, and beneficial goals and possesses the wherewithal to realize outcomes commensurate with one's aims. Revisit and make a list where in the past you have been able to achieve goals and give yourself praise. Note how life begins to take care of you when you take even minor actions towards goals that are from your true self, not needy, trying to fit, or coming from any place of lack. Self-love is the only reliable compass in life: Experience will not work as a guide. For one, it usually comes too late, when its lessons can no longer be implemented because of lost opportunities, changed circumstances or old age. Experience is also pretty useless because no two people or situations are the same. Self-love is a rock, a stable, reliable, immovable, and immutable guide and the truest of loyal friends whose only concern is in your welfare and contentment. List where a lack of self-love caused you to lose an opportunity. Using the emotional Power Scale (see below) Choose a positive thought and you climb the scale. As you climb the scale, you feel more Well-Being. You’re more empowered. You attract more of what you want. Choose a negative thought and you slide down. On your way down, your connection to Source Energy is weakened. You feel powerless and befuddled. You attract people and things you don’t want in your life. With an understanding of your Emotional Guidance System, it becomes clear when you choose a thought that zooms you up the ladder and just as clear when you choose a thought that sends you down. Feel Good Thoughts are ladders that raise your vibration just as Feel Bad Thoughts lower your vibration.  Emotions are our indicators of moving towards or away from our desires which are already created on a vibrational level. A consistently lower vibrational emotion indicates a belief that goes against inherent desires and will need to be worked out. To climb the ladder toward Empowerment and away from Powerlessness, monitor how you feel, then choose a thought that feels just ever so slightly better. With a clear understanding of your Emotional Guidance System, when you feel bad, you always have an option to feel just a titch better. You can always climb the ladder by choosing a thought and than another that takes you up the scale. If you get sideswiped by some event and take a fast ride down, the best response is to look for where you are to climb back up. Look for any thought that feels better than where you are and deliberately guide your thoughts toward what feels better. Each time you choose a thought that feels a little better, you climb up another rung of the emotional scale and soon you will be back where you want to be. When you hit bottom emotionally, you can either freak out and pretend you’re powerless OR you can take back your power by choosing thoughts that feel just a little better.  “This will end, it always does… Change is inevitable… I always make it through.  All is well.  This is for my best and highest good.” Just keep climbing the ladder and you’ll be back in alignment – my goal is feeling joyful, empowered, and appreciative and with that comes knowing. As you continue climbing the emotional scale, you will enjoy the supreme confidence of knowing that you are truly the master Creator of your own Life! ——————- Empathy Types Note: if you feel others emotions as if they are your own you should know you may have trouble figuring out and accepting “your own” negative emotions.  In other words it is more painful to feel your own emotions than others emotions no matter how disappointing because of your conditioning.  Here’s just one example: you are more comfortable feeling someone’s jealousy (which then internalizes as shame or humiliation etc.) than your own anger or even momentary rage at them for crossing a boundary such as devaluing you with a look or shrug. You would rather subject yourself to theirs, by not-expressing yours than feel the disdain (or anger etc) you may have when you do express yours.  This is an early childhood conditioning it was safer or better for you feel their emotions in reflection than your own. Ask for more info if you feel you may be doing this. Ladder of emotions 1. Joy/Knowledge/Empowerment/Freedom/Love/Appreciation 2. Passion 3. Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness 4. Positive Expectation/Belief 5. Optimism 6. Hopefulness 7. Contentment 8. Boredom 9. Pessimism 10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience 11. Overwhelment 12. Disappointment 13. Doubt 14. Worry 15. Blame 16. Discouragement 17. Anger 18. Revenge 19. Hatred/Rage 20. Jealousy 21. Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness 22. Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness

The best way to keep yourself safe, is not have any information or knowledge anyone wants. If it's silencing -out with it. If it's a product that will act as a weapon to any other industry -out with it.

Manipulation will always backfire eventually. Positive or negative. The subconscious still knows when a boundary crossed.

Watch out for Adrian Dittmann mind-control. They end up suicidal.

This happens when social media steals your identity.