Marriage therapist, co-founder of Braver Angels, which brings together reds and blues to depolarize America, author, professor. Tweets are my own.

Joined January 2010
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I was at General Mills Headquarters today presenting a Braver Angels workshop to 400 staff and they gave me the most epic gift! @braverangels
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This unique model helps clients slow down emotionally and approach their situation with a clearer perspective, whether to work on their marriage or separate amicably. For therapists, it’s a way to support both spouses while moving forward.
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As we reflect on this season of togetherness and renewal, we wish you peace, clarity, and warmth in your relationships. Wishing you all a season filled with understanding, connection, and hope. Happy Holidays!
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For couples on the edge of a major decision, Discernment Counseling offers a transformative journey. It’s a short-term, structured process in which therapists guide each partner separately, helping them uncover their individual contributions to the relationship’s dynamics.
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Therapists are seeing the powerful impact of Discernment Counseling on couples on the brink. This unique approach is helping clients find clarity and direction in their relationships.
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By helping the Leaning-Out Spouse have a better understanding of what has happened in their marriage and to acknowledge their own contributions toward those problems, they can start to achieve more clarity and confidence needed to make a decision about the future of the marriage.
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A couple with one spouse that is ambivalent about staying married (leaning-out) and the other spouse wants to stay married (leaning-in) is what we refer to as a mixed-agenda couple.
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When couples are at a crossroads, it's easy to fall into the trap of trying to immediately "fix" everything, but Discernment Counseling takes a different approach. Rather than rushing to solve problems, it emphasizes the importance of discerning—a thoughtful, reflective process.
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Leaning-In Spouses have a spouse bringing up divorce but some ambivalence about it. As a Discernment Counselor, you have an important role to help each spouse gain a deeper understanding of what’s happened in their marriage and gain clarity on what comes next.
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Discernment Counseling is transforming the way therapists work with couples facing uncertainty. Hear from Brenda A. Smith, MA, LPC, who shares how this approach has brought confidence, self-empowerment, and greater fulfillment to her practice.
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This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful for the power of understanding. As we reflect on what we’re grateful for, we honor the couples working through life’s challenges with courage and care. We’re here to support you every step of the way.
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As therapists, we often see a married spouse who doesn't have the energy for couples therapy because they are uncertain about their future together. Enter Discernment Counseling: a brief, focused approach that helps partners clarify their intentions before deciding on a path.
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Some married individuals are the brink of divorce but are unsure whether it's the right decision. Discernment Counseling provides a pathway to clarity without committing to couples therapy or separation just yet.
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As therapists, we often meet couples in crisis. Discernment Counseling provides a thoughtful approach when divorce is on the table but not a final choice by one partner.
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Is Traditional Therapy Not the Right Fit for Some of Your Couples? You’ve seen it—couples who walk into your office , one of whom is unsure if they even want to stay married. For these couples, Discernment Counseling is the perfect fit.
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In Discernment Counseling, the goal is not to pressure couples into making a final decision about their marriage, but to help them gain clarity and confidence about their path forward—whether to work on their relationship or to move toward a respectful separation.
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Discernment Counseling is specifically designed for Mixed-Agenda Couples. This structured approach offers clarity, helping both partners explore their next steps without pressure or judgment.
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Heather went on to say: "Although couples go down different paths, it certainly has been an effective process. Also, offering this service is the best marketing strategy! I reach a specific group of people in my area that no one else is reaching."
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We use a specialized structured approach to guide mixed-agenda couples (one uncertain about the marriage, the other wanting to work on it) in understanding their relationship dynamics and making thoughtful choices about their future, without the expectation of immediate action.
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If you love working with "tough couples," where one is leaning in and another leaning out of the marriage, Discernment Counseling can be a transformational experience for you and your couples.
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Discernment Counseling offers a structured and carefully curated framework, providing therapeutic assistance to couples in a dilemma—those leaning out of the marriage and those leaning into it.
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