Birthday today and man am i feeling the age! Ex-wife called me talking about how good i look now #tellmesomethingnew 😂 Anyways just had 12 beers by myself and looking forward to the next #stayhard

Excited for this holiday season. Cant wait to see how fat my relatives are getting and pretend I care about the social ecological state of America as if I don't avoid paying taxes like my MIL avoids the gym.

Just watched a dude have a girl drink for him in rage cage… must be leaking estrogen or something. Couldn’t be me cause I’m a #beerslugger

Used to be a bud light hater, little did I know its gods nectar. Tastes better then a nicely kept vjayjay if u know what i mean #imavirgin #accidnetalycelibate

Fat man just sat on the hammock with me... felt the ropes suffering under the tension 😅 starting to hear the fibers slowly give way. Someone give this guy a hint!! #patlama

Trump and bill clinton remind me of my relationship with my ex wife. Lots of sexual activity (mostly butt stuff) but didn't get any work done. #notpolitical

Just saw these two girls on the weather app at a function. Looked pretty chopped too. Probs around 450lb total. #nothanks 😂