what happens next will shock you
Joined November 2016
- Tweets 2,264
- Following 617
- Followers 1,284
- Likes 40,377
149 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
24 Jan 2018
my greatest fear in life is not being relatable. does anyone else feel this way? deleting if no
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christain🍕 retweeted
4 Aug 2022
it's cool that there's a same-sex kiss in Lightyear! that's what animation is for, showing us dope stuff that could never happen in real life
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christain🍕 retweeted
10 Jul 2022
men's bicycles have a crossbar to give us something to hump
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christain🍕 retweeted
23 Jun 2022
i used to write 5-paragraph essays like you wouldnt believe. just absolue intro, point 1, point 2, point 3, closing. changing hearts and minds with every word. now i burn eggs and eat them anyways
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christain🍕 retweeted
20 Apr 2022
using dishes: 🤩
washing dishes: 😒
rt if you agree, disagree, or are gay!
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christain🍕 retweeted
20 Nov 2025
when the top wants to bottom that’s on period
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20 Sep 2025
when signs abbreviate “junction” to “JCT” the letters omitted are U N I O N, which spell “union” which is a type of junction. love that <3
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18 Sep 2025
you have no idea the fire that you have ignited within this jimmy kimmel watcher
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christain🍕 retweeted
3 Jan 2023
these days there's simply no way of knowing who is or isn't a human of new york
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christain🍕 retweeted
1 Dec 2023
it's friday night in brooklyn, new york. do you know where your improvisers are?
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christain🍕 retweeted
26 Oct 2020
if new york is dead, who's shining that green light across the bay every night towards my lavish west egg estate??
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12 Sep 2025
new york fashion week is a very special week in that it seems to only happen once every week
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26 Jul 2025
you’ve never seen joy like a milennial who just found out there’s going to be a food truck at the wedding
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24 Jul 2025
i like when you see people on the plane and then you see them again at baggage claim its like oh my god my friends are here
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24 Jul 2025
i hate when people are like “fulton anagrams to the word flount”… its like… so flount isnt a word????? i mean yeah, cool that its a pronouncable group of letters and all that but…… um…… no
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24 Jul 2025
my big break!!! i just sold the movie rights to me going fast on my bike
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16 Jul 2025
16 Jul 2025
there will never be a person that is a woman, a lawyer, AND a hulk
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16 Jul 2025
there will never be a person that is a woman, a lawyer, AND a hulk
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16 Jul 2025
i think my life does have a higher purpose: to teach my boyfriend how evil and cruel his mother is
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